Tin Foil On Your Head

Boston (INEPT) - New sites are popping up left and right. Some are funny, some are lame. But all have this in common: They hate the New England Patriots.

The latest to join: the conspiracy-oriented Tin Foil On My Head. A wonderfully simple site with one goal in mind: getting your opinion on Spygate. Their mission statement:

And now we're told that Spygate is Over? Completely unacceptable! On his May 14, 2008 broadcast, Colin Cowherd on ESPN's "The Herd" challenged those conspiracy theorists who disagreed with the way the NFL is handling ... check that, concealing the New England Patriots SpyGate abomination, to set up a website entitled "TinFoilonMyHead.com" to voice our opinions. That's precisely what this is. If you object to how the current administration is rolling over for the Mighty New England Patriots and their asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, multiple championships. If you find it peculiar that the NFL has destroyed the Spygate tapes and levied penalties before seeing all of the evidence. If you're of the opinion that bending or misinterpreting a set of rules that are followed by every other team in the National Football League is the definition of the word cheating. Let your opinion be heard.

You may now be wondering: can anything inspired by Colin Cowherd really be a good idea? Well, maybe not. But we are willing to overlook this small blemish in what otherwise is an excellent calling.

Other gems from the site include:


Arlen: You've got our vote

And, less fortunately:


This movie sucked

The intro paragraph also includes some well thought out witticisms:

WE, a nation of tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists have been called to action. We are the internet surfing uber-geeks who believe the moon landing was staged on a Hollywood back lot. We are the disciples of Al Gore who actually purchased a copy of his DVD. We subscribe to the theory that global warming looms and will kill us all, just like a meteor ended the dinosaurs. We believe that the pyramids were built by aliens, that UFO's regularly abduct red-blooded, tax-paying Americans, and that the government is actively engaged in a multi-national cover up to hide the existence of extra terrestrial life forms. We are a nation of believers that watched the X-Files and understand that, "The Truth is out there."

What can we conclude from this prose? A number of thoughts come to mind:

• This site is not serious. Which is likely the case, and if so, too bad.
• The creator of the site is a good writer. Which makes us forgive the first point.
• That we should all go watch Al Gore's movie. Because it is available in an environmentally-sound DVD case.

Al Gore DVD: When you toss it, it will degrade bio-sensibly

Pats Blog Roundup (Part 2): Actually Kind of Reasonable

Boston (INEPT) - We have actually done it. We looked for weeks and weeks, with the thought that it might be possible. We weren't sure. But it does exist. Yes, my friends, there is actually a Patriot blog with an (almost) reasonable opinion about Spygate. From none other than our friends at Pats Pulpit, we have this article.


Pats Pulpit: Almost Sane

Entitled "Final Thoughts on You Know What", this piece actually is (almost) sane in discussing Spygate and its impact on both Pats fans and the rest of us. To begin:

Truthfully, Spygate has exhausted me. Writing about it has consumed me and frankly, I've grown a bit tired of it. From a ridiculous number of articles to too many press conferences, I've grown weary. I'm sure you've grown tired of reading about it, too.

Pulpit: You started on the wrong foot here. The reason you are tired is simple: your team cheated, and we are all talking about it. That is tiring for you; however, for us, it is invigorating. Trust us, we could talk about how you cheated all day long. And we will.


This lady is tired of Spygate, but not us

The article then quotes some sportswriters about the impact of Spygate. For example, Bob Ryan of the Globe writes:

Here is what Bill Belichick has done: He has placed Patriots fans on the defensive for the rest of their lives.

The sports community now associates the Patriots with cheating. The three Super Bowl championships are, and forever will be, under suspicion. The thought will never go away.

The amazing thing here is the Pats Pulpit response:

Not so easy to read, is it fellow Pats fans? It's a jagged little pill to swallow.

So instead of crying and whining about how Spygate is all rediculous, we have a fairly sane response. Well done, Pats Pulpit! You stand out from the crowd.


Bob Ryan gets it right (but looks drunk)

Peter King is quoted too, and, in nice words, says that Belichick is a liar:

It is inconceivable to me -- and, obviously, to Roger Goodell and former Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh, too -- that Belichick would misinterpret the rule about videotaping.

So at this point, Pats Pulpit is on fire, quoting two "respected" sportswriters who point out that (a) there has been permanent damage done and (b) Belichick is clearly a liar. So far, so good.

Unfortunately, Pats Pulpit couldn't quite keep it up. In a rather sad attempt to keep the story "fair and balanced", some quotes by players who take the Pats' side are included. First, they quote one of the worst QBs ever to lead a team to a Superbowl victory, Trent Dilfer:

I don't take one thing away from them. Not at all. I'd have zero bitterness toward them as an opposing player. The Patriots have been the best-coached, most-talented team of this era, and they deserve to be thought of that way.

Football players can be pretty dumb, and Trent Dilfer shows here how dumb he is. Who cares what Trent Dilfer thinks? If you want to ask players, take an anonymous poll of players who played the Patriots during the past few years. How many players do you think would say they had a problem with the cheating?


Trent Dilfer: Bad on the field, worse off of it
(p.s. this pass was picked off)

Football player stupidity is highlighted further by Luis Castillo:

I'd never, not for one second, put an asterisk next to what they've accomplished. This game can't be planned or orchestrated just because you might know what our defense is going to do on a particular play. Would it help? Of course. But it takes a lot more than that to win any games, and to win a Super Bowl.

Of course it takes a lot more than that. However, it helps. And in games that are won and lost on a few plays, it could make the difference. That is the point, Luis.

Pats Pulpit closes with a plea for us "rival fans":

Rival Fans - Please be patient with us. We are trying to work this out. Our knee jerk reaction will be to defend that which has brought us so many great moments, so give us a little breathing room. I certainly understand if you feel, in some way, like your team may have been cheated and would've had a shot if not for the taping. But, please excuse me if I think getting an edge through questionable practices is more prevalent than the NFL and other teams are willing to let on. It's what keeps me sane when thinking about this. It's not much, but it's what I have to cling to.

What is fascinating about this quote is that (a) it puts forth the lame notion that "well, everyone else is probably cheating, so it's probably ok to cheat" but then (b) admits that this is lame and "not much to cling to." Yes, Pats Pulpit, it is lame. And not much to cling to. So stop clinging. Cleanse your soul, by admitting that you too have been duped, that your team (and in particular, coaches) let you down, that your dominance was specious at best. You shouldn't be sad or exhausted. You should be mad. You have been lied to, like the rest of us. Your cheating coach has tainted your team, and that is what we will all remember about this fine and glorious team, the Patriots.

Other Patriot Blogs Also Suck

Boston (INEPT) - Just in case you thought that this was the only Patriot blog that sucks (albeit an Anti-Patriot blog), look no further. It turns out that many other Patriot blogs suck, too. Whew! We thought it was just us.

From a May 14th (2008) post on PatriotsBlog.net, we have this rant about Arlen Spector. From the article:

Yeah, that’s right, I said it. And it’s true. This guy just won’t stop. Get over it. The Eagles lost thge Super Bowl. This is one of the most rediculous things I’ve heard.

Lesson 1: Use spellcheck. Avoids simple problems like "thge" and "rediculous". We admit that all bloggers should be allowed a few typos. But try a little harder in the opening paragraph, ok?

Nobody wants to see Specter speak, not even Patriots haters. Everybody is sick of this idiot. He has no idea what he is talking about. He is the perfect example of someone who tries to abuse his power.

Lesson 2: Be correct. If you read this blog, you will, for example, learn that there are people who want to "see Specter speak." They are called "fans" of other "teams." Why, you ask? Well, simple: we want to know how much you cheated, cheaters. Duh.

But this is absurd. I decided I finally had to speak out. I understand that this post is simply a rant, and a very controversial one, but I just can’t stand Specter’s ignorance.

Lesson 3: Be consistent (especially in the same article). First, we heard that "Nobody wants to see Specter speak," but now we learn that the post is "very controversial." Which is it? If everyone agrees with you, it is not controversial. Controversy occurs when people disagree.

So there we have it. One Patriot blog, one poorly made point. There are many more. In the coming days, we will tour the Patriot blogosphere, and see what those poor slobs are up to. It will be gruesome, yes, but it must be done.