Thursday, October 11, 2007

Here Comes T.O.

Irving, Texas (INEPT) - In a controversial move that will be debated for hours to come, none other than Terrell Owens has spiced up this week's Cowboy game with the New England Hatriots through an age-old tactic: writing secret little notes.

Dear Reporters,
Due to the magnitude of this week’s game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 about the other 81. I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday’s game.
Sincerely, T.O.
p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready.

You may remember T.O. from Superbore XXXIX, where he spent most of the game wiping Donovan McPuke's vomit off of his jersey.


T.O. Loves Popcorn

However, his new notemaker persona is not to be taken lightly. INEPT has uncovered three other notes that T.O. hid in the Cowboy locker room this week. This one was hanging from Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo's locker:

Dear T. Ro,
Don't suck like last week. Five picks!
Sincereley, T.O.
p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready.

Some Cowboys were confused. "Getcha Popcorn Ready? Why does he keep saying that?," asked a bewildered Romo. "And no way is he going to start calling me T. Ro."


T. Ro. Confused by T.O.


Another note was found Coach Bum... er... Wade Phillips's personal bathroom:

Dear Coach,
Try not to get involved with playcalling this week.
With warm regards, T.O.
p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready.

Wade Phillips's response leaned towards defensive. "I always have my popcorn ready, T.O. knows that! Damn fool."

A final note was uncovered late this morning in owner Jerry Jones's office:

Dear JJ,
I am assuming you are bringing the popcorn maker to the game. Don't forget!
Sincereley, T.O.



Jerry: Bringing the 'corn


Of course, all mockery will immediately turn into golden praise in the rare chance the Cowboys put an end to this miserable season of non-defeat. Perhaps, INEPT hopes, that in a few days we can all fill our lungs with the glorious air of Hatriot defeat and utter, once and for all: How 'bout them Cowboys!

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26 Comments:

Blogger sam said...

My thoughts on his note and what Moss should do:
http://postgame.wordpress.com/2007/10/11/to-doesnt-talk-for-once-still-annoying/

1:20 PM  
Anonymous New England Asterisks said...

Ugh...cheaters and baby daddies vs. loudmouth overrated pimp daddies? I honestly don't care much WHO wins this one. TO is such a poser. I'll wait till the Colts spank the Pattys in a few more weeks. TO and Brady are two reasons I'll be outside raking instead.

Or maybe, just maybe the Dolphins will send the Hater Nation an early Christmas present like last year, and we can listen to Brady cry again like an ironic little girl about how the Dolphins cheated.

But, probably not. I actually agree with the above post. That'd be funny.

6:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This article is hilarious. I agree with the guy who wrote it earlier, but this article is definitely not written by a true Hater. No Hater could be that intelligent....like the poster above me. Perfect example of a Hater. Unintelligent, childish, and absolutely illogical and biased.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

Oh, I think this guy definitely dislikes the patriots.

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I know is it is great to be a Boston sports fan right now. Red Sox in ALCS, Pats 5-0, and BC 5-0. So continue your complaining while we keep dominating every sport.

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Disgusted Pats Fan said...

Excellent comment by the poster above. Very nice.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

Dear Reader,
We definitely dislike the Hatriots - isn't that obvious? That said, this site bears no enmity for the Boston region or other Boston sports franchises (e.g., the Red Sox). We keep it simple: we just hate the football franchise that has come to stand for all that is wrong in professional football. We hate the New England Patriots.
-Hater in Chief

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Massachusetts Hater said...

Why oh why are there so many 'intelligent' Pat fans on here? I guess it's a perfect example of the empty kettle rattles the loudest (or however that goes) I actually do have a good friend who's a Patriot fan, and not a loudmouthed jerk about it. We have rational discussions about football, and how well the Pats are doing so far this year. But then again, he liked the Patriots since back when they sucked--and yes there was a time when they weren't awesome, Pat fans. Or don't you remember, since you didn't jump on the bandwagon till sometime around 2000..? If anybody wants to talk about football without being called stupid, find yourself a Pat (or any football team's) fan who isn't a bandwagon fan.

And as a side note, TO's probably gonna eat his words, and a lot of dirt, on Sunday. AFC's just plain better than NFC.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Dear MA-Hater said...

I'm definitely not a bandwagon-er. Been a fan since they sucked too, so I guess I'm not stupid.

And we won today, by 21 points. So yeah, T.O. got massively owned.

7:06 PM  
Blogger The Toad said...

Yeah, first of all, hating the Patriots has no relation to where you are from. I am from New England and had been a Pats fan since I was born, but I began hating them in 2001 when I saw what kind of corrupt team they were becoming. Little did I know how corrupt they would be.

And TO getting owned? He had a better game than Moss. Dallas' horrendous Newman-less pass defense was what got owned. Why don't the Patriots play a pass D ranked better than 20th in the NFL first before people start praising them as this high powered offensive team. We saw how Dallas played against Buffalo, if that's any indication of how good Dallas really is.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

Corrupt?

This is football
they're not running for office

4:41 AM  
Blogger OD said...

TO had the same amount of catches and only slightly more yards than Moss. And lets not forget that Randy Moss had two long TDs called back in addition to his catch, while TO started the game off right, dropping his first pass.

And fuck, the Patriots don't pick their opponents. The first few weeks, all anyone said was "Play a good team, let's see how you do against Dallas." And now they've beaten Dallas, and of course it's not enough.

Don't have for the sake of hating, have actual reasons. It just makes you look foolish.

9:40 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

I have to say, as a Patriots fan, this is the best blog ever. I was a huge fan when they sucked for forever, and am still a fan now.

I understand what intense hatred for a team for no apparent reason (or what seems like 1000 reasons) is all about, I'm a Redsox fan and Yankee hater.

Keep up the great work, every post made in hatred is simply a testament to their greatness.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous HAHA GO PATS said...

Two words:

PWNED, NOOB!

=]

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We love your hate. Please keep it coming.
-Tom Brady
PS - I bang a supermodel, like, everyday. Remember that next time you pleasure yourself to some catalog.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

> We love your hate. Please keep it
> coming.
> -Tom Brady
> PS - I bang a supermodel, like,
> everyday. Remember that next time you
> pleasure yourself to some catalog.

Dear Tom,
You might recall that 'banging' a different supermodel/actress/cousin everyday is what got you into some trouble in the first place! Thus, we at INEPT offer some simple advice: slow down, cowboy! Perhaps the occasional catalog would do you some good.
Sincereley,
The INEPT Staff

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Good Job, Hater In Chief said...

I love how the guy who made all this up, the articles, site, and everything, is nicer than the assholes who post.

I'm a Pats fan, but I wanted to say to the Hater, I respect you for your ability to keep your head and not throw useless swear words around.

GO PATS. :]

12:14 PM  
Anonymous massachusetts hater said...

"I respect your ability to keep your head and not throw useless swear words around."

Says the guy who calls Haters assholes in his post! You're awesome, buddy. This whole topic was covered on a different post: The NE fans throw a LOT more obscenities around than the Haters. Count 'em, if you want. And not just the obscenity of their team of choice.

And, good for the NE fans that liked the Pats when they sucked (no, I'm not being sarcastic). Unfortunately, dudes, I think you're in the minority. Most everyone who says "non-Pat fans are stupid" on this site are the clowns who liked the Dallas Cowboys in the nineties, and the Bears and/or 49ers in the eighties. Not all, but most.

And, as a side note, I wonder how much popcorn Brady and Moss got ready. TO's so stupid. A decent player, but he really should close his mouth once in a while.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Good Job, Hater In Chief said...

I didn't say I never swear, I just said HE never does, really. Read carefully, "buddy".

And what is this about counting the number of obscenities here between Pats fans and the Haters? I'm just saying some Haters are indeed assholes (OOOOHHH, I SWORE, SUE ME) and the Hater-in-Chief doesn't act as stupid as they do.

GO PATS

1:36 PM  
Anonymous massachusetts hater said...

Swearing and caps lock does get your point across quite intelligently. Thanks, ol' chum!

And, yeah, there are Haters who are "assholes", but there are also Pat fans who are "insufferable assholes."

Ooooo. That ought to get some angry/naughty language posts from the Brady Bunch...

1:11 PM  
Anonymous ....uhhh, okay? said...

...It really won't, but thanks for trying. It helps to be entertained by attention-seekers. :]

Btw, we won again.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking as a third party Falcons Fan, You guys are wangs.
First, find a better, less annoying URL
Then, Realize that even when New England cheated, they still won by a pretty good number
and they continue to win, even while being monitored.

4:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy this:

http://www.patsfans.com/new-england-patriots/messageboard/showthread.php?t=69029

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ASTERISK!!! 16-0 WILL ENSURE IT. ITS FUNNY THEY CHEATED AND GOT CAUGHT TWICE. OH AND THE FANS? THE FANS WERENT FANS WHEN THEY TRIED AND COULDNT GIVE A N.E TICKET AWAY. OR WHEN THEY WERE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE NFL.. STERIODS WERE MENTIONED ONCE IN THE NFL THE WHOLE SEASON. DO YOU FANS REMEMBER WHO THEY MENTIONED WHEN THEY MENTIONED STERIODS, A PATS PLAYER BY THE NAME OF HARRISON. THATS RIGHT. CHEATIES. ASTERISK!!! IF BARRY GETS ONE THE PATS DESERVE 2 ATLEAST BONDS WAS NEVER CAUGHT.

7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

btw. inept means basically
inept
adj

Definition: clumsy, unskilled; incompetent, to be blunt. dumb stupid and dumb again.

6:48 AM  
Anonymous Ne rocks said...

why, oh why do I hear no haterd cheer?
Don't be dissapointed
be happy, cuz they are going to win the super bowl this year

Shame, Shame, Shame,

Cat gotcha tongue?
Oh, I bet it did.

18-0

7:09 PM  

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