Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Superbowl Preview

Indianapolis (INEPT) - It is superbowl week. So what should we give you, dear Reader? Well, of course, a discussion of the most important game of the year. The superbowl? No, of course not. The most important game of the year is obviously one in which our dear Hatriots lose, particularly if it is a playoff game. Thus, we recap what was clearly the most important game of the year: the AFC championship game.

The game, so memorable. The final result, so sweet. We must recall each precious moment, lest we forget this beautiful, wonderous, magnificent result.

Things That Mattered:

  • The Colts didn't panic: Ran the ball plenty of times. Note to Sham Diego: run the ball! Oddly enough, Cam Cameron's punishment for forgetting about the best running back in the league? A promotion!

  • Colts didn't panic, either

  • The ball finally bounced the right way (sometimes): Admit it: when Logan Manchild scored on a fumble, you thought: here we go again. But suddenly, the Colts return the favor! (the Rhodes to Saturday connection!) And then, Reggie "John" Wayne catches his own fumble mid-air! (yes, it wouldn't have mattered thanks to the hit on the helmet, but still).

  • Reggie "John" Wayne: Our lucky hero

  • The Colts end-of-game clock management: Brilliant! Why didn't Mike Martz think of that back in Super Bowl XLI? Oh yeah, because he is an arrogant fool that started this whole mess (the Hatriot Whine-asty).

  • Colts are smarter than Martz

  • The pressure from Freeney: No big sacks of Brady, but one time Brady just goes down when he feels Freeney coming near him, and on the penultimate play, when Brady throws the pick to Marlin Jackson (now an official INEPT hall-of-famer), Brady rushes as Freeney closes in on him. Without Freeney, Tom takes his time, hits three more passes, wins the game, crushes our souls. With Freeney, Tom hurries, Colts win. Colts WIN!

  • Guess what? Freeney is awesome

  • Bob Sanders: Bob also gets into the INEPT Hall of Fame for his role in this game. Amazing! His play throughout, of course, gets a nod, but the big play was stopping the old 'Fraidy-to-Troy connection, getting the Colts the ball back. Pure magic.

  • Bob Sanders: Future INEPT Hall of Famer?

Things That Didn't Matter

  • Colts cheerleaders changed outfits at halftime: Seriously, they did. We don't think it mattered, though. Probably

  • Before, After: Losing The Chaps A Key To Victory?

  • Reche dropped some passes: After the first big drop in the endzone, the Hatriots scored anyway (the tippy-toe "were his feet really in?" "that is such a stupid rule" catch in the back of the endzone). So no big deal. The other one, with him "wide open", probably would have gained 6 or 8 yards (Colts safety was closing fast).

  • Butterfinger: You can actually buy this from Amazon.com

  • Reche does funny things with his eyes: What the heck was that dude doing with his eyes? He looked like that guy Kenneth on American idol:

  • Reche, Kenneth: Whose Eyes Are Stranger?

  • The Hatriot Flu bug: The Flu was to blame, some say. We say: are you serious? Big players step up. Remember Michael Jordan? The Utah Jazz certainly do.

  • A flu bug, or Coach Belichoke: You make the call

  • Supposed "Bad Calls" on Hatriots:Example #1: The late hit call on the Hatriots: Many whiners claim this was a big play. Really, it was a 10-yard difference. Probably just would have taken a little more time off the clock. Example #2: The pass interference call. Was it interference? Maybe, maybe not. Should the defender have turned his head? Of course, otherwise he is begging to get flagged. Do the Hatriots interfere regularly? Yes. What goes around comes around, they say.

  • This ref says: Sorry Hatriots

Prediction Recap: INEPT had the game at Colts 38, Hatriots 17. So we got it half right. Just didn't expect Manning to be so generous (he is a southern gentleman after all), or Ellis Hobbs to go crazy on every kickoff return. Colts outgained the Hatriots by 50% in yardage, which would indicate a game that wasn't as close as the final score might indicate.

Coming soon: the induction ceremony for the INEPT Hall of Fame. Nominations are being taken as we speak. Get your nomination in today!

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Anonymous A Disgutsted Pats Fan said...

you guys sound intelligent with your swearing, and sexual jokes. i bet your mom would be proud of you. i bet she would.

the thing about pats fans, is that we can admit a loss without blaming the other team. unlike you lowlifes, scum of the earth, and jerks who make up sites to whine like little girls about someone being better than you are.

so eh, who cares, we lost. we're still the team of the decade.

congrats, colts. you guys played a better game than us that night.

no luck involved.

have fun going to the first superbowl you ever went to since 1970.

....cant erase our rings, though, no matter how hard you guys swear and attempt to insult us with foul language.


3:51 PM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

Dear Disgusted Pats Fan,

The decade is not over! There is still time for another team to rise up and take the title. So we have hope.

As for the "swearing", etc., we must admit it seems a bit unnecessary. After all, what is more vulgar than watching the Hatriots?

- The INEPT Staff

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's an interesting comment coming from a Pats fan, since usually they are the ones swearing and making no sense. The talk shows in Boston don't seem to take this loss as well as this fan did. Talk about "whining like little girls" MAN, they're awful. They are just another reason that I can't stand that team.

3:13 AM  
Anonymous Josh Howard said...

INEPT Staff…Great recap of one of the greatest games ever played. I loved the caparison between Caldwell and that freak from American Idol. I am still glowing over the outcome and look forward to seeing the Colts cap the season by polishing off the Bears this Sunday. Nothing against Chicago, I am just rooting for Indy, the same way I did for Denver last season after their annihilation of New England in the divisional round.

Here is a quick ‘top five’ list of players/coaches that I believe warrant consideration for the INEPT Hall of Fame. I excluded any ‘Indy Hero’ from the last game, because it is still fresh in my mind and in my opinion every Colts player deserves to be inducted.

Keep in mind, this list is in no particular order and everybody on the list holds a special place in my heart due to their contributions towards the Patriots demise.

• Mike Shanahan/Jake Plummer- I still think the biggest mistake Denver’s organization will ever make is benching and possibly releasing Jake Plummer. He has owned the Patriots recently compiling 715 passing yards to go along with five touchdowns and only one interception in his last three games versus New England (all wins, including the 27-13 massacre in the 2005 divisional playoff round). Shanahan has posted a 9-3 record against the Pats during his tenure in Denver. He seems to be the only coach that can match wits and game plans with Bill Belibastard. Shanahan’s game plan in the 2005 playoff game was flawless and afterward I developed a semi-man crush on “The Rat”.

• Jason Taylor- Being a Dolphin fan, I am a little bias. However, he consistently reduces the Patriots o-line to rubble and is like a malignant tumor in Tom Brady’s head. He not only makes Mr. Brady fold like a lawn chair, but he is also responsible for breaking up and shutting down ridiculous draw plays and dumpy screen passes that New England attempts to throw. I heard an unconfirmed rumor, after this season 21-0 shutout in Miami, that Matt Light had to get Jason Taylor’s penis surgically removed from his butt hole.

• Desmond Howard- Howard makes it solely on his epic performance during Super Bowl XXXI. Without him, the Patriots may have beaten a far superior Packer team and New England may have another stupid banner and Lombardi Trophy in Foxborough. Howard finished the game with 244 return yards including a game clinching 99 kickoff return for a touchdown after the Patriots had narrowed the second half gap to 27-21. Howard was named the games MVP and will forever remain an MVP in the hearts of Hatriots around the world.

• LaDainian Tomlinson- I loved him before the debacle in San Diego and I love him even more after it. Even though he was on the losing end of one of the worst losses in NFL history, he deserves to be in the INEPT Hall of Fame for his post game comments about the Patriots’ organization and specifically for his blast directed towards Adolf Hitler, err, I mean Bill Belichick. Not to mention, he has sliced and diced the Patriots defense in the past three meetings for 474 rushing yards and six touchdowns. I expect him to continue to gobble up yards when they visit New England next season, except this time with much different results on the scoreboard.

• Deion Branch/Lawyer Milloy- It is hard to give any player that has played for the New England franchise any credit, but these two standout as players that spoke up for the good of a generation. I know they combined to be vital parts to all three Super Bowl victories, but anybody that disassociates themselves with Bob ‘Krap’ and Mr. Adulterer are fine in my book. Milloy still holds a major grudge and I am sure that Branch was laughing all the way to the bank after watching ‘googley-eyes’ Reche Caldwell live up to his second-rate receiver status.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Josh Howard said...

Just to clarify those Patriot fans that claimed B.S. on the Ellis Hobbs pass interference. Here an article that puts any doubt to rest. These are comments from NFL’s Vice President of Communication, Greg Aiello. I think I trust him a lot more then I do a columnist from Jaguars.com. Sorry losers!


12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The absolute best part of all of this is the Pats "mystique" has taken a hit for two straight years and there is now a formula to beat this team on a consistent basis. Belichoke's ride of good fortune has come to an end and it will really start crumbling around him once players start leaving for greener pastures. Players will no longer put up with a cheap organization now that they are no longer winners... off to greaner pastures and bigger paychecks. The only reason players put up with their cheapness was to get a ring. Branch and Vinatieri led the way last season and it will only get worse as those championships get further and further in the rear view mirror.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Disgusted Pats Fan said...

Dear first anonymous,

yeah so a couple of talk show hosts didnt take our loss as well as me, my friends, or my family did. and yes, some fans are really bombastic in their language when we lose.

....your point then, is that EVERY fan is like that in Boston? that sounds really dumb.

oh and you hate the TEAM, because of the small percentage of fans who are stupid?.....thats even more dumb sounding.

give up with this site guys, really. this site is devoted to the degradation of a team which does well usually, and it is degradation cause you guys are pissed off that they're good. you guys choose to insult one team rather than cheer you own team on.

not intelligent, or fair.

3:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no one cares about being fair here. duh.

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Disgusted Pats Fan said...

obviously, no one cares about being intelligent either.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Crybrady said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bob Sanders needs to introduce himself to Tom 'Fraidy. Just a prediction of how that would go:

Sanders: Hi, I'm Bob Sanders. I'm a safety for the Colts.
'Fraidy: (lets out a loud, feminine scream and runs to the corner, where he proceeds to curl up in a fetal position and suck his thumb)

Just seeing Freeney kick Tom's ass was enough for that game too. If only he hadn't gotten hurt this season, goddamnit. But when he's back, and Sanders introduces himself to Tom 'Fraidy, the dynasty will come to an end. 'Specially since the Patriots choked in the Super Bowl and lost to Peyton's little brother, and all.

I wonder if it's disturbing that now I have a crush on every guy named Eli?

12:42 PM  

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