Sunday, September 16, 2007

Spielberg Signed For Next Video Series

New England (INEPT) - In a move intended to "raise the level of secret-stealing videos", coach Bill Belichoke hired three-time Academy Award winner Steven Spielberg to film the Hatriot's next three opponents.


Spielberg joins the Dark Side

"We're really excited about this opportunity," said Spielberg. "It gives a chance here at Dreamworks to do something successful that isn't named Shrek." When asked for his latest thoughts on that lovable ogre, Spielberg said "What? Belichoke isn't that bad. Sure, he might not shower or change his clothers that often, but really guys, calling him an ogre?"


Shrek, Belichoke: Who is Uglier?

When asked for the rationale behind the move, an unusually talkative Belichoke stated that "bringing in top-notch people is important behind anything you do. We realized that some of our previous efforts in cheating, err, video production were less than stellar. So we went for the best: Spielberg. And we got him."

Reaction from other teams was swift. "Damn Hatriots, first Moss, now Spielberg. Who will they bring on next?" said a bewildered Eric Boygenius, beleagured head coach of the New York Letdowns. "I'm not sure who we can get. Maybe that fat guy who does documentaries?


Sorry, Jets, I'm Working in College Football


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14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, now we know how they won all those Super Bowls with average players. A little cheating goes a long way....

10:33 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

I really like the idea of having Spielberg do the next pats film. It would take a genius of that magnitude to make the Jet's defensive calls worth watching. Not unlike the Inuit and their vocabulary for snow, the Jet's possess fifteen different signals for "Pretend that your worth what we pay you"

1:42 PM  
Anonymous HA. HA. Belichick OWNS. said...

Hey guess what, jackoffs...we won, 38 to 14. So take that and shove it up your asses. :)


LT was a LeTdown. We taught him and all you haters some stuff- first, our coach, though he may be a big ass jerk, is better than most coaches in the NFL, and second, look in a recent edition of SI- Brady's a god.

Maybe this'll teach all you jerks who like to rat on winners. Think before you all make statements, cause LT surely didn't.

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the Bleacher Report ... pretty much sums up all this ridiculous, Patriot-hating banter. To you Pats fans ... enjoy the ride this year.

Videogate Defense: Why America Hates the Patriots
by Nathan Nickell (Scribe) 11 comments


Question: Why does America hate the Patriots?

Answer: Because they're better than your team—and you know it.

America loves to hate the dominators. The New York Yankees. Jeff Gordon. USC. Duke.

And, of course, the Pats.

That much has been proven by the reaction to Videogate. Bill Belichick and his boys have taken more heat in the past week than the Cleveland Browns will take in the next decade.

And why?

Because cheating or not, the Patriots are a damn good football team...but no one wants to accept it.

Everyone's looking for a catch, a reason to cry "Asterisk!"

The bottom line is that it feels good to hate on New England. But that doesn't change the FACT, yes I said FACT, that the Patriots are, and have been for years, the best team in the NFL.

I've read numerous articles on Bleacher Report slamming Bill "Belicheat," as one writer so passionately referred to him, and completely discrediting anything the Patriots have accomplished in recent history.

Get serious.

Let's assume for a moment that New England really did gain an advantage by "cheating." Can anyone convince me that their team should've beaten the Patriots, but didn't because the Pats stole signs?

I know without a doubt that no one can.

Think of it like this: If steroids hit the home runs for Barry Bonds, why don't the minor leaguers who are busted for 'roids every week hit 60 homers a year?

Filming defensive signals would only help a team in a single game—and it would be almost impossible to steal them quickly enough to inform a quarterback about the defense, much less allow him to change a play.

It doesn't sound to me like the Pats were at a big advantage here.

So, if filming really were cheating, and filming actually was what won the rings for the Patriots...

No. Not quite.

(I won't even mention the fact that not a shred of proof can be found of filming outside of last week.)

If filming won Super Bowls for New England, then expect 31 other teams to start filming by next season—if not next week.

Instead of hoping that their respective teams get better, fans feel the need to bash the frontrunners. Looking for excuses is the hip thing to do.

The quicker Eric Mangini and the rest of America accept that the Pats would've beat the Jets without their "advantage," the better off the sports world will be.

3:04 PM  
Anonymous Disgusted Pats Fan said...

38-14....San Diego Chargers. Wait, let's repeat that...


Thirty-eight. To. Fourteen.

We. Beat. The. Chargers. Two. Years. In. A. Row.


Without our so-called "cheating".

The name "Belichoke" seems inaccurate to say now. With the entire NFL and most of America against him, he managed to beat the Chargers and their official crybaby, LT.

...Now, let's see someone respond to THAT.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the key reasons why everybody hates the Pats can be found in the responses of their obnoxious chowderhead fanbase, who all got collective stiffies in their anxiety to "prove me wrong" in my above comment (yes, I'm the same guy).

For a bunch of people who supposedly hail from the "smartest" and "best" city in America, you people sure have absolutely no sense of irony whatsoever (if, in fact, you actually know what "irony" means. You don't, nor do you care to find out).

The reason I made that comment was to expose you people for what you truly are: yuppie wannabe Sam-Adams swilling Mcs who think you're such "fans" of a team that almost had to move not too long ago because you wouldn't support them during their loser years. For that reason alone, I cannot accept your gospel (if I may be so bold as to classify it as such) on the Pats, the NFL, or life itself. Thank you and good night.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Alright, anonymous.... said...

...Well, the pats didn't move, did they? :)

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, I don't know, jackass. Why don't you put down the fucking Sam Adams, stop fucking your ugly dumb redhead Mc whore of a wife and enlighten me?

You know what's really sad? The fact that you idiots pay the highest ticket prices in the NFL. Between that, the Red Sox ticket prices, the amount of money you dumb lushes spend on your bee-ah every single weekend (or more likely every single night) and the outlandish Massachusettes state taxes, I don't know how you fools can afford anything. So take THAT and shove it up your uptight, frozen, freckled asses.

Bitch. :-)

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Alright, anonymous.... said...

Wow. All that swearing sure made you sound smart. That and your complete lack of logic. Woohoo, good for you. You definitely don't sound like a biased jerk.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Asshole (the guy who swore incessantly). Too stupid to use regular english so he chooses to use vulgar english.

And repeat insults like a whining little bitch.

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being a Green Bay fan I have no dog
in this hunt, but still ...YOU ARE
ONE SICK PUPPY!

2:44 PM  
Anonymous NE rocks said...

I have one question.....why are you on this website anyway. I know why I am here. Is because I would like to hear what other people say about this team. Just because your team is losing, doesn't mean you have to put your shame on a successful team.

5:50 PM  
Anonymous ne rocks said...

To all of you haters


Just because mommy's dick is bigger than yours, doesn't mean you have to put your troubles and dumb stupid reasons about why you hate the patriots.


Please, if it makes you feel better, Patriots 14-0.

Hey,

6:03 PM  
Anonymous ne rocks said...

Dear Patriot Haters,


As you know, I love the New England patriots. Just because your teams aren't doing that good, doesn't mean you have to bagg on a successful team. I will not make/put downs
on other teams, if I am forced. I will defend it though. I am not going to let you guys put down a team. I just can't do that.


As I go around websites that hate the patriots, and to fight them off I will also be visiting other hatred sites, just the NFL sites. I will always be known as "ne rocks"


Yes, I will be defending other teams, including the radiers. Even if I am a Patriots fan, I have to say.......


GO RAIDERS AND DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!!

7:41 PM  

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