Random Hatred, Mockery, Etc.

Top Ten, Baby: CBS Top Ten New England Patriot Excuses

• 10. What? It's best of seven
• 9. Too much pre-game chowder
• 8. Since when is that dude allowed to catch a ball with his head?
• 7. Terrified by that Fox football robot
• 6. Everything was fine 'til Dr. Phil decided to straighten us out
• 5. Should have campaigned harder in Florida
• 4. Entire team stayed up late the night before watching Hannah Montana concert movie
• 3. Exhausted after spending hours consoling a weepy Terrell Owens
• 2. Thought game was supposed to be played on Super Tuesday
• 1. Airline lost our 'roids

19-0 merchandise: Too brutal. Amazon, sorry about this not working out:


19-0 Book Cover Shot: Tom is still shouting, just for different reasons.

Also, apparently the Patriots are finally doing some good for the world. According to this story:

Shirts, sweatshirts and hats, all printed with the Patriots as the Super Bowl winners, arrived at the World Vision warehouse in Sewickley on Tuesday.

Many of the shirts say "19-0" -- a reference to the Pats' quest for a perfect record. Instead, the Giants' victory ended the AFC champions' season at 18-1.

The losers' gear will be packed and sent to third-world countries by World Vision, which works to improve the lives of poor children in more than 100 countries.

The poor people of these countries will thus be wearing "19-0" shirts around, thus cruelly mocking a team they may never have heard of.

INEPT apologizes to all poor people who can't fork over $15 or so for one of these fine shirts:


T-Shirts: Not for free, sorry! Buy one here!

Odd Shakespearean Stuff: NPR shouldn't do it football. Really, they shouldn't. But they did. Some selections:

The Players: Sideline Wench, a reporter for the Duchy of Fox; Kornheisercranz, herald; Wilbonstern, herald; Brady, a fair-haired boy; Eli, a boy; reporters, bloggers, correspondents, cameramen, soundmen, hangers-on, sycophants, small children throwing rose petals.

It gets worse:

Wilbonstern: But look now, who approaches from yon other way?
'Tis young Eli, who seems, in his manner, yet a boy,
No match for such a paragon as the dauntless Brady.

Paragon, my ass. But "Kornheisercranz" was more on the mark:

Kornheisercranz: 'Tis so, he is yet more Manning than man,
But the football blood that fills that callow vessel
Is as royal as Brady ever bought to his captured throne.
Eli is the seed of the sainted Archie
And thus branch from the same tree as Peyton,
He, who made stallions of Colts but twelvemonth past.
Mayhap the lad can, with a pigskin, find the same mark
Little David did when bookies of yore favored huge Goliath.

Goliath: 18 wins, and 1 deadly stone to the head. David wins! I always thought Kornheiser was better than Wilbon, even before the heart attack.

Interview: Another interview with our buddy t.k. The questions:

1. Giants win super bowl 42: Shocking or Expected?
2. The Patriots dynasty will crumble because many Patriots will be leaving and retiring.
3. The Giants have a shot at repeating next season?
4. The Better QB: Eli or Peyton?
5. THe Best playoff QB of all time.

Answers here. We'll probably do an interview with t.k. sometime, so we can figure out who he is exactly.

Mathematica: A mathematical view of the Patriot season:


The Mathematics of Imperfection


Those F***ing Patriots: A nice clip from the YouTubes. Found here, pointed out to us by Patriot Hater Dave H. Enjoy!