Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Gauntlet

Boston (INEPT) - Here it comes. Every Hater's wish, now true. The Hatriots may be perfect. They may look good right now. But to get the prize, they will have to do what we all have been hoping for. The have to run the Gauntlet.

Not this Gauntlet

The definition:
gauntlet (also gantlet |ˈgantlit; ˈgônt-|)
noun (in phrase run the gauntlet)
1. go through an intimidating or dangerous crowd, place, or experience in order to reach a goal : they had to run the gauntlet of television cameras.
2. historical undergo the military punishment of receiving blows while running between two rows of men with sticks.
3. playing the jaguars, then colts/chargers, and then cowboys/packers/maybe giants in order to win the Super Bore.
ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: alteration of gantlope (from Swedish gatlopp, from gata ‘lane’ + lopp ‘course’ ) by association with gauntlet (1).

It is the third definition that is most pleasing to us, although definition two is certainly interesting. Why are military punishments always so memorable?

We can't handle the truth, either

First up in the Gauntlet: rising star Jacksonville. Long gone are the memories of 2005's failing strategy of 3 and out. Long gone is tubby QB Byron Sandwich. And long gone is an easy win due to cold weather. This is a team built for the playoffs. Hope rating: 5/10 (+2 can run the ball, +1 can play in cold weather, +1 david garrard, +2 defense, -1 still remember the 2005 playoff game)

What's happening, Byron? Not the playoffs.

Next up: likely the Colts, or a very motivated (and by then confident) Chargers team. We are happy with either. Assuming the Colts, not too much needs to be said. A true rival to the evildoers in the Northeast, the Colts are champs (remember that Hatriot fans?) and a formidable threat. Hope factor: 7/10 (+2 have beaten the Hatriots a lot lately, +2 SuperBore champs, +2 Peyton, +1 Addai, +1 Defense, -1 Freeney gone goddammit)

Recall this picture?

Assuming the Chargers, we'd have sweet revenge on our side. Hope factor: 6/10 (+2 LT, +2 Defense, +1 we remember last year you new england punks, +1 we beat Indy! -1 Rivers stinks, +1 LT again - he is that awesome)

LT is God

We won't get into our hope ratings for the NFC yet; perhaps we won't need to. The Gauntlet is tough. The Gauntlet is formidable. But most importantly, the Gauntlet is here.

Media Watch: A rare moment of sanity from the Boston Herald's Gerry Callahan. Choice quote: "Well, this probably isn’t the greatest team ever. It is a very good team that has been willed into the history books by the greatest quarterback ever." He's half right: the Hatriots are not the greatest team ever. 50% right is very high for Boston reporters, so full praise here.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This website is great! Makes me realize just how AMAZING the Patriots really are. This site isn't about hatred ... it's about ENVY of the greatest Football Dynasty ever!!!

Hatred of the Pats by colts fans is no different from the hatred (ENVY) that Sox fans felt towards the Yankees in the late 90's and early 00's.

Great work

6:00 AM  
Anonymous PatsRule said...

Yes, I've been saying that all along. If I ever need a reminder on how great the Patriots are, I'll come here.
The Haters here care more about the Patriots getting beat than rooting for their own team. It's hilarious. I'm sure their teams really appreciate having them as fans — not!
GO PATS!!!!!!!

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must admit, you make me laugh! Keep up the excellent writing.

Your hatred is so pure and purposeful that it is enjoyable.

I forward your website to every Patriot fan I know.

7:30 AM  
Blogger Chip Dawg said...

Gauntlet! I like that!! It's also kind of like a Baptism by fire or maybe, and this is a stretch, like going through Marine Corps Bootcamp at Paris Island. Like D.I. in Full Metal Jacket said, if you survive Basic Training and make it into my beloved Corps, you will be an instrument of death praying for war!! But until then you're all worthless pukes!!
This means that, although they've won 3 Superbowls, in regards to this season until the Patriots win the Superbowl they won't have accomplished jack shit! So hopefully they can do it!

Run the Gauntlet Patriots!! But as your doing it: No Prisoners!! No Mercy!!

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo, Great site! jaguars 27 pats 24. The rabid media hounds will use more excuses for the loss including, off week, looking ahead, not believing the jaguars can play. jaguars will go into the history books as the only team to stick it the pats. Sorta like the ravens almost did a couple of weeks ago. Brady will get a chance to meet Henderson and Stroud up close and personal. Ouch! nothing like a 640 pound sandwich. eat up Tom we'll comin' after you all game long..

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think the Patriots are going to let the Jags win that easily. And while you all are assuming "Yes! Pats can't play good in cold weather!" I have to agree. Our team is now built for normal weather conditions. Though still...

.......it's been very warm up here in the Boston area....rather strange.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Jags, please beat these guys so none of us hve to watch Wes Welker slide into 2nd base for a first down like a little pasy anymore!

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Snerdly said...

Anyone who would question Wes Welker's toughness, has his head up his ass.

Must be a disgruntled Dollfish fan...

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Gatt said...

JAX the country is behind you... Shut all these bandwagon PATs fans up.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Chip Dawg said...

I think the Pats will have good game this weekend. They're at home, the weather's supposed to be nice, and this year we have some weapons to work with.
Hey Anonymous, Here's a quick look at last year's game in Jacksonville:
Stroud: ZERO sacks, ZERO INTS
Henderson: ZERO sacks, ZERO INTS
Spicer: 1 sack (total for the whole team)
If the Jags repeat this sorry performance, they're in big, big trouble. They shouldn't expect Brady to be remotely as bad as Big Ben. In fact, the Jags are lucky to still be in the playoff because Roethlessburger was horrible and STILL almost sent them home packing.
Doesn't Jacksonville have a rookie safety? I suspect the Jags secondary is toast.
Dave H: Your boy Welker and Moss will probably have a field day. So stand by.


5:24 AM  
Anonymous Go Jags said...

Wicked good site. All the retahds in Bahstan are primed to complain about another bad call robbing them of their "perfect" season. I hope it really is a terrible call, just so I can hear them bitch all year.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous PatriotsReign said...

"retahds in Bahstan"
Stay classy, haters!

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

Hey, just letting you know, your usage of wicked screams Bostonian.

The Patriots are gonna take it to the cleaners with the Jags.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Patty "you wouldn't make it against the Patriots" Pat said...

I hope you're working on your chops of rthe Super Bowl, HIC. I can't wait to see how you pump up any of the sad-sack NFC teams as a potential victor.

Somehow, someway, even if the refs are calling phamtom holds and letting PI against Stallworth go for 3 1/2 quarters, teh Prime Time Patriots are going to level the competition in grand fashion.

Seems like we have a new favorite site for Pats fans here. Haters, please keep the asinine comments coming, because we're running out of water-cooler material. Even with Jessimo galavanting about Cancun.

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just one loss and the pats become the most disappointing team in history.. Cmon jags.. If no win, I at least wanna see a flagrant hit on brady and co.. Give em a nice little concussion or something..?

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were any of you guys, fans of the patriots before 2001? Could any of you point out where foxboro is on a map?

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Patty "on the bandwagon since 1976" Pat said...

Anon -

Uh, yeah. As far as I can tell, since 2001 everyone hates the Patriots. I thought it was clear that the bandwagon belongs to the haters. Why? Because the Pats are the definition of greatness. I have not seen one new Patriot fan down at the bar for the past 10 years. Lotsa teary eyed Raider fans, though...boohoo, tuck rule destroyed our club, boohoo...

As for anyone who would put a cheap hit on TB, well just know that individual should look out. Do you think they'd get out of Foxboro without Secret Service protection? They would have to live in a cave for the off-season, becasue he'd be a marked man. Why do you think no one's done it yet? Because it ain't worth it. He probably wouldn't make it off the field after that play and you'd see something historic, like Baghdad historic, you puny ignorant fool. Go ask your mommy if she'll buy you a clue for your birthday.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Daytona said...

Abso-frickin-lutely, my dear Pat.

Pretty sad how the accusations of BANDWAGON were thrown after we won three superbowls, and if anyone says anything like "Oh, no, it's not that, it's the fact that they have this stupid coach who ruins football".....save it. Please.

He was the coach before 2001- you all didn't seem to have a problem with that....

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could you explain, Patty, how come if Tom Brady goes out with a concussion, the world comes to an end, but Trent Green gets knocked unconscious, and there was not a lynch mob waiting for the guy who hit him? Injuries happen in football, and if something happens to the Golden Boy, what makes him so special? He's not God!

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

I bet there were a bunch of rabid Dolphin fans out there ready to kill.

But honestly...Trent Green was a waiting bomb. He always put himself in idiotic situations like that. What kind of self-respecting, intelligent and football savvy QB puts himself in harm's way for a gain of four yards, give or take? Doesn't he understand his position and duty to his teammates to keep himself healthy for offensive drives?

There's a slight difference in IQ for Brady and the others....

And don't get me wrong. I felt so horrible for Green, and my prayers were with him and still are. But it wasn't the other man's fault. Green ran headfirst into his fricken knee!

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

INEPT = I Hate the New England Patriots

IAAFHWHNBTDTWABATPBMTS = I Am A F***ing Homo Who Has Nothing Better To Do Than Write A Blog About The Patriots Because My Team Sucks

5:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes you see sites on the internet and realize that a portion of the country still are living in a Word Processor world.

Instead of making a site about a team you hate, why not about one you like? Seriously, get a life.

7:17 AM  
Anonymous Someone with a brain, stuck in Boston said...

Oh the Massholes are everywhere now, aren't they?

First of all, Tom Brady attempting to throw for a touchdown on a 4th down, in the Redskins' endzone, up by 44 points--44 points!--qualifies as putting yourself in harm's way. He deserves any unnecessary injuries that may come with plays like that. You insult a team's defense like that, they can't be held to a high standard and not retaliate.

And telling people on a comment board that a football player will get murdered for Tom Brady's injury is nt just the stupidest thing I have ever heard, even for the internet. You are telling people that YOU will murder someone if your QB gets hurt! LOL

Go Jags

8:43 AM  
Blogger Chip Dawg said...

I think Saturday night's game is going to come down to this: The Jags have to play a perfect game to win and the Patriots do not. Like the Ravens, the Giants, and the Eagles, the Jags have to play way above their heads and hope they get some breaks. Not to say this can't happen, but the Patriots, particularly their offense, are that much better and the odds of them losing are much less. The weather is on the Pats side, plus they've had two weeks to prep for this weekend.
I think the Jags are in deep shit. Marcus Stroud is on injured reserve, so the vaunted Jaguar D probably won't get a sniff of Brady's jockstrap. End of story.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous PatsRule said...

"You are telling people that YOU will murder someone if your QB gets hurt!"
Yes — we will kill for Tom Terrific.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Real Fan of a Real Team said...

You are a moron, the word "Hatriot" is not used to describe the Patriots, its a term used to describe the people who hate the Patriots.

You are a moron and this blog is the worst blog I have ever seen, you are pathetic and a horrible sports fan, why not cheer for your own team like a real fan instead of cheering for the failure of another like a pathetic posturing sheep climbing aboard the bandwagon of hate.

10:29 AM  
Anonymous Pat "GAHHH! Haters are sooo stupid, why do I waste my time??!" Pat said...

WAAH! WAAH! They, sniff, ran up the score, sniffle sniffle. They cheated, sniffle, honk. Tuck rule, boohoo. Hate hate.

Here's a free clue: never read anything into anything, because it makes you look dumb. A prediction is much different than a threat.

But here's a prediction you can take as a threat: The Jags are going to end up on their asses early - by 9:00 Saturday they'll be wishing they never said nothing about about anything.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE it! Obviously this is site is run by an Oakland fan who never forgot the tuck or a Denver fan whose ponies are all nags!

Pats will run the gauntlet! Pats RULE!

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go Jags... take these massholes down. In the meantime, put their pathetic fans to rest until next year.

12:29 PM  
Anonymous HeatherH88 said...

Um, yeah, the Jags LOST...bigtime -Pats are awesome - all those who don't think so have serious issues. I'm really sorry for all those who aren't Pats fans.
Hugs and Kisses
Heather H

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Snerdly said...

It is great being a Pats fan, isn't it Heather?

All the hatred.. all the vitriol, all the angry asterisks, all the photo-shopped Darth Belichick graphics...

I lap up the tears of frustration from opposing fanbases like so much sweet nectar!

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just love this site. There is actually a website for hating the patriots. Too much. But it's to be expected. All the greats in history were hated. The Roman empire. The Brittish empire. And yes even the good old USA. Hated for being GREAT! And the patriots are great. There is no denying it.
Oh and sorry Colts fans. Stevie Wonder (Manning) walks off the field shaking his head in dismay. A good team just not a great one.

7:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If being a Pats fan means rubbing everyone else's nose in your victorious year, then thank God I'm not one of you. Their fans are just as classless as they are. If you love your team so much, show it on your own website and at least allow people to hate them in peace.

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hate them in peace" A lovely contridiction in terms. Military intelligence, jumbo shrimp, civil war. Just beautiful man. You haters are really something.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

You're an oxyMORON.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Relax dude I'm on your side. Just a little sarcasm.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pats Fan can't relax...he's an idiot.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To all the haters ,now I know what STUPID people do with their vacant airheaded lives!Har Har Dummies!

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

Oh, don't worry anoynmous, I was referring to the previous one. The one who said the "hate in peace" remark.

I'm not a he, jerk, and I can so relax....going on this site and seeing your pathetic attempts at making the Pats look bad is enough to get me all nice and sleepy....quite enjoyable.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Ne rocks said...


I can't believe you are still on this website, and the patriots are 18-0!!!!!


I bet you would hate the patriots when they win the super bowl the fifth time in a row...


6:05 PM  

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