Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halfway Season Summary: Oh Shit

Boston (INEPT) - The season is half over. The Hatriots, in the worst of all possible nightmares, are undefeated. No game has been close. Tom 'Fraidy has 30 touchdown passes and is not spending too much time chasing supermodels. Randy Moss is keeping his pants on and not running over police officers. Belichoke is angry that everyone thinks he is a cheater (even though he clearly is) but somehow is using it to his advantage. We, as the staff here at INEPT, have only one thing to say: Oh Shit.


Oh Shit

People from around the league had similar responses:
  • Eric Boygenius, head coach of the New York Letdowns: "Oh shit. Do we have to play them again? Man, that's going to be like 105-0. Crap."
  • Randall Godfrey, linebacker of the Washington Not-good-enough-to-be-named-after-mighty-native-american-warriors-even-though-that-would-be-less-offensive-to-some-people: "I told Belichoke to show some respect. So he did, by throwing another 80-yard bomb for a touchdown. Oh man, who doesn't respect touchdowns?"
  • Coach Bill Belichoke: "Up yours Roger F-ing Goodell."
However, there is hope on the horizon. The Hatriots' schedule tells us that Blitzburgh is coming to town in a few weeks. A visit to an actual football team from New York (i.e., not the Letdowns but the mighty Giants) in the last week of the season might present an opportunity for true anti-Hatriot happiness.

And, lest we forget, there is one other team we might pay attention to. That team has played under the radar this year, a little odd for a Super Bowl Champion. They too are undefeated. They are the mighty Indianapolis Colts. Last time we checked, they have a little bit of a winning streak against the Hatriots. This Sunday, we will see if they keep that winning streak alive. We will see if King Manning and his charges can end this season of non-defeat. We will see how the morality play of good versus evil pans out.

So Haters, one and all, for this upcoming weekend, put on your blue and white Hatred Tees and sing Blue Sunday loud and clear. Stick pins in your Hatriots dolls. Sit in your lucky chair. Do your part, and maybe the Colts will do theirs. And maybe, just maybe, this nightmare season of non-defeat will come to an end.


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64 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We can't lose hope that somebody... SOMEBODY knocks off these aholes! The Gaytriots are just one big injury away from disaster. If somebody could nail Tom Brady (and I don't mean a guy/guy sexual thing) somehow I don't see Matt Cassel doing anything spectacular even with the receiver corp they have. Eventually, somebody will have to get to Brady. Maybe my beloved Giants will have to be the team that tarnishes their unbeaten record. I just hate to have to wait until Dec 29th to do so.

6:03 AM  
Anonymous Tom Brady said...

Yo Haters! How’s it goin’?
Tommy B here, helping myself to a heap of your little hatefest. mmmm, spicy!

Sorry I left you hanging yesterday fellas - I was going to stop in, but Giselle wanted to play another game of “Smear-Tom-with-strawberry-preserves-and-lick-it-off” (Best. Game. Ever.). Let me ask you something - have you ever dumped half a jar of fruit preserves on a laptop in a fit of ecstasy? That stuff gets EVERYWHERE. So I had to go buy a new laptop. Now, to me, this is no big thing, because I’m TOM F****N’ BRADY, tho Someone like yourself would most likely need to collect soda cans and save the money from your paper route for like, 2 years to save enough for a new MacBookPro.

Anyway - I’m back and will check in from time to time to make sure your hate is still strong!

Now, on to some of the questions/comments from the previous post.

New England Asterisks informs us he was looking for images of me online for a “client” - Now, I think it’s awesome that you and your “client” both share a passion for images of me in chaps. It’s important to have something in common with your “client” and I would suggest that relocating to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, would entitle you and your “client” to all the rights of straight couples, including marriage.

As for my meeting the Pope(also addressed by WestCoastHater) well, it’s scientific FACT, that my sweat has medicinal qualities (all my bodily fluids do, actually, more on this later) and while on his death bed, the Pope asked for, and received one of my game used hand towels. He rallied and actually clung onto life until the season ended, and I could travel to him and he could thank me personally. Only after His holiness got to thank me for extending his life was his life complete, and he was willing to give up the ghost.

WCH also was wondering about any STD’s I may have come into contact with. Well, let’s just say If I had come into contact with any such thing, the blood coursing through my veins would kick the crap out of it. Rememebr when I beat the Steelers in the Playoffs a few years ago - Peter King reported I had a fever of 103. This is true. What I didn’t tell Peter at the time was that I actually had CANCER and was healing myself, accounting for the elevated body temp. Even my white blood cells and antibodies run up the score. A crack scientific team from the Center for Disease Control (the CDC) was on hand for the birth of my child, because we all knew it might be the first, and last time, I ever cry. They wanted to capture my tears in hopes to create a cure for AIDS. They’re working on it right now.

As for Anonymous’s suggestion that our esteemed owner, Mr. Robert Kraft, is on the sauce - Well, all I can think is that you have him confused with either the Mayor of Boston, Thomas Menino, or the senior Senator from the Commonwealth, Ted Kennedy. Neither of these cats have been sober in public since 1984. They do both look a bit like Mr. Kraft tho, and are the REAL powers behind the Media in Massachusetts, so your confusion is quite understandable - tho I suggest you sober up yourself before making more accusations. You’re killing your liver, pal, and without one of my sweat soaked jockstraps, you can’t just go and grow a new one. (Kennedy is on his 3rd damn one, I swear!)

So - one last day of practice and we’re off to Indianapolis. I might not be able to check in on your little buffet of hate till after the game (and impregnating Peyton’s wife - don’t forget) but I can still feel it. Keep it coming guys. Now I gotta go play another of Giselle’s favorite games. “where-did-I-hide-your-3-superbowl-rings-on-my-hot-naked-body?” When I win the forth one this February, we’re gonna have a problem.

So long Hater-Nation! I promise I’ll try to keep it in the double digits against the Colts!
-Tom B.

9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tommy B. you are quite charming!

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, Kraft is SO a drunk! Granted, Tom Menino and Ted Kennedy are also, but Kraft is right up there with them!

1:06 PM  
Anonymous WOO WOO said...

gonna be a sick-nasty game on sunday.

cant wait to see the colts get massively owned.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Colts will be doing the owning!

2:35 AM  
Anonymous heehee said...

....Lemme think....

...........


naaaahhh.

3:52 PM  
Blogger Deshawn Zombie said...

Here is 18to88.com's contribution to the conversation:

88 Reasons to Hate the Patriots
http://www.18to88.com/Articles/88hatepats.htm

Enjoy

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

Enjoy being smashes tomorrow, lewzers.

Pats FTW.

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Tom's Mr. Slave said...

Wow, that guy so so damned arrogant, he MUST be the real Tom Brady!


Nah. Too articulate. Amusing, though, nonetheless.

What's FTW mean, anyway? F*** the World? From Tom's Wetdreams? Farting Toward Washington? Or just WTF backwards? What? I'm curious, "Enjoy being smashes tomorrow". Hulk like bad grammar. Hulk smashes tomorrow!

If the Colts lose, it only proves one thing: Cheaters do prosper! The Patsies are the team that made me stop watching football this year, just like the Yankees ruined football for me. The similarities continue...

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Red Sox GO said...

I think you meant the Yankees ruined baseball, there, bub. But I understand. The Yankees can ruin multiple sports. The Pats kind of turned me off of football this year, too. More their fans than them, actually. And I'm a Sox fan! You're still a better speller than most of the clowns on here. I like the Tom Brady guy, though. He's a dickhead, but funny. Our very own Dane Cook.

5:38 PM  
Anonymous Scott said...

FTW= For The Win.

And I'm thinking the Tom Brady guy has tounge firmly in cheek.

Unless it actually IS Tom Brady - Then he means every word.

5:01 AM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

Thank you, Scott. I thought I had to actually respond to the guy up there with the definition of probably one of the most used internet-lingo words.

I made a typo with "smashes". What I meant to say was "smashed"...which you all are going to be after the game today, when the Colts get massively owned by 21 points. :) Or maybe you'll all explode from the frustration...yeah, that would be better....

And Red Sox Fan up there? Cheaters don't prosper....good teams do. Which is why the Patriots have been kicking some ass.

GO PATS!

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Pats Fan said...

Oh sorry, Sox Fan disregard that post- I meant to address the Slave-guy.

I'm a Sox Fan too, so I can't disagree with you....

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pats Best Team Ever

So Haters, one and all, for this upcoming weekend, put on your blue and white Hatred Tees and sing Blue Sunday loud and clear. Stick pins in your Hatriots dolls. Sit in your lucky chair. Do your part, and maybe the Colts will do theirs. And maybe, just maybe, this nightmare season of non-defeat will come to an end.


Yeah good luck with that!

10:26 AM  
Anonymous SUCK IT LEWZERS said...

PATRIOTS = GOD

IT'S PROVEN.

WE. WON.

EAT. IT.

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WE WON ... WE WON ... WE WON! It wasn't pretty, flashy, or perfect ... BUT WE WON!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IN BRADY AND BELI WE TRUST!!!!!!!!!

HAHAAHAAAHAA!!

HEY, NFL-SAY HELLO TO SATAN'S SPAWN, THE EVIL-HATED-CHEATING PATRIOTS, SOON TO BE 2007 SUPERBOWL CHAMPS!!!! PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, ROGER!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and the final score?

Pats-UNDEFEATED!!!!!

Pats haters-BIG FAT ZERO!!!!!

5:58 PM  
Anonymous #12 said...

How good was that Brady led comeback? So special on Peyton's turf, in front of those pathetic fans.

Got to hand it to the zebras, but like Peyton, they too came up short trying to steal the Win from the Pats.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Seriusly, fuck these guys and their logo ball spikes, and Wes Felcher telling people they fucking suck on the last play of the game.

They make me sick, Bilichoke is nowhere near the coach Bill Walsh is, and barely one-qaurter of the person.

They will get it in the end, 16-0 with a playoff loss. Rack me.

8:31 PM  
Anonymous 9-0 said...

Gotta Love It!

8:32 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Uhhhh, no we don't.

Why are Pats fans so dumb, somebody tell me? They're right up there with Raiders fans.

In fact, my theory is that they are the new Raiders. I think the Steelers are the Sliver Bullet, garlic clove, n'at.

8:47 PM  
Anonymous HAHA GO PATS said...

Haha say what you want Dave, or whoever you are, but all it shows is that Belichick is OWNING right now and you are one big fat jealous ASS.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Colts Got Owned said...

All I gotta say is

20-10 etc., etc.....

Like how the colts blew that lead?

Yeah...I thought so.

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the author/staff of this blog: I’ve got to say, I really love this blog. I’m from New England (and a Patriots fan) and I just love the fact that so many people hate this team because that means they’re doing something right. You know what they say you know you’ve made it when you have as many haters as you do fans. I don’t agree with the things you say, but I have a sense of humor and I can appreciate your hatred for the team—not to mention the fact that I find it extremely amusing. Being the fan of a team that everybody else hates is really fun because the victories are always sweeter when everybody else is rooting against you.
In the end, what you say and think isn’t going to change anything, but you have the right to express your opinion and I applaud you for it. So keep blogging about your hatred for the “new Evil Empire” because this Patriots fan is going to come back for more. `
By the way, I’m also a Red Sox fan, and as such, I have first-hand experience in hating the original “Evil Empire” and the fact that the Patriots are receiving the same hatred as the Yankees is fantastic.
To every other Patriots fan that reads this blog: you have the right to defend the Patriots, but you shouldn’t get mad, you should be proud! As I said, the fact that everyone else is rooting against us, is actually a good thing.

5:15 PM  
Anonymous J-Tizzle said...

Ok, You All Need To Cut The Jellousy. Like Now. You All Hate The Patriots? Ok, Good, Dandy. WhY?
Because There Line Up Is Sick?, Becase Tom Brady Keeps His Composure better Than Any QB right now? That Hes Got Randy Friggin MOSS! And Dante Stallworth To Hit?
Because Teddy Bruschi can come back from a FRIGGIN STROKE? And Still Kick Ass?!!...Because They Have Both Skill And Heart?, your all just friggin Imature Haters, Looking to be different.....And I Got News For Ya'll. No Matter What Obscene Garbage You Puke Out Against The Patriots.

Tom Brady Still Gets Paid...
So Do Moss, And Everyone Else.
And They Could Give A Crap Less What Your Saying!, They Sure As Heck Aint Losin Sleep Over You Chumps, Your Wasting Your Time, And Your Hosts BANDWITH!
If you dont want to like them? thats Fine...At least Respect Them.
Cus Last Time I Checked...There Undefeated....So How Are Your Teams Doing?

Time To Grow Up Guys....

J-Tizzle

10:48 PM  
Anonymous J-Tizzle said...

Oh Yeah, I forgot to add...I really Liked That Defensive Pass Interference Against The Patriouts...When it was The Colts recever Wraping His Arms Around The Defender...Even With The Ref's Conspiring Against The Patriots....The Colts Still Lost...
Hmmmm looks like Even Bs Calls Cant stop The Teams Drive....

Next?


J-Tizzle

10:53 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Actually, the only people that hate the Yankees are Red Sox fans.

As far as the Pats, they once again showed how classless they are by incurring repeated personal foul penalties, spiking the ball on the Colts logo (extremely bush league) and The Hoodie blowing through another handshake with Tony Dungy.

People don't hate excellence, they hate a-holes, know the difference.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous J Tizzle said...

Hmmm So You Mean To Tell Me That Calling A Defensive Pass Interference...Every Time Manning Threw A Bomb Down Field, Regardless of the Fact That The Colts Reciver Was ALLL OVER The Pats LB...Is Ok? Sure thats Lovely, They Spiked The Ball On The Colts Logo because they were tired of getting Jerked Over By God Awful Calls, And The Ref's Obvious Obsession With The Home Team Colts....I Say If Your Going To Be Nabbed On Such Bs Penalties Every Time The Patriots FART...Then Forget Spiking The Ball on the Emblem, Light It On Fire...Because The Ref's Job Is To Ensure Fair Play, Not Play Grab Ass With Their Home Team In The Locker Room, Or Pick Favorites.
They Put The Colts On The 5 yrd How Many Times For No Reason?


I Rock My Bruschi Jersey Jersey Proudly....52 tackles...months after a stroke...SKILLZ


J-Tizzle

11:10 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Fine, you can have all of those bad calls back from that game.

Those shitty calls for the a reversal in the Tuck Rule, sound like a fair trade?

Good Job On Capitalizing Every Word Isn't That A Pain In The Ass To Write That Way?

11:51 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

Well technically the "Tuck Rule"
is a shitty rule
not a shitty call

6:47 AM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Can't say you're too wrong about that one. Although making the right call on a shitty rule might be contrued as a shitty call in and of itself.

It's almost as bad though, winning the AFC Championship on a "technicality."

Reeks of the Holy Roller.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish the Bills could SOMEHOW lay Brady out flat! Even if it's a cheap shot. Hell, I'll throw the guy $100 towards his fine - it will be worth it just to see Brady get carted off the field!

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the person who asked "why are Patriots fans so dumb?" Tell me about it! I live here in New England and the fan base here are morons. They would protect Tom Brady even if he were into dog-fighting. Of course, he is too much of a girl for such a thing. I don't know how he got a woman pregnant, but I bet he was sobbing heavily while he was doing it!

2:33 PM  
Anonymous My god said...

More like you were sobbing cause you wanted him to do it to you.

Come out of the closet.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what that comment meant, but I'll just chalk it up to ignorance.

In any case, nobody needs to come out of the closet more that "pretty boy". He's such a woman! I bet he's dating a Victoria's Secret model so he can get a discount on his underwear!

3:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lame, dude. Absolutely no intelligence, thought, or logic in that answer.

I found it funny, but honestly...coming from a Hater, that insult is pretty pathetic.

Come out of the closet means basically, "admit you're gay".

There's nothing wrong with that, you know. Massachusetts is very liberal. You could cut yourself a break there, pal.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure being gay would make a difference in my case, since I'm a woman.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sad. I am too.

You bring a shame to our gender.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right back atcha!

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, but you beat me by miles.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are such a Gaytriots fan, what are you doing on a site entitled "I hate the New England Patriots".

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cause it's fun to get reactions from people like you. :)

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now you see why I comment on here. I guess we are both bringing shame to our gender.

2:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's leave it at that, shall we? I'm getting rather tired of this.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate the I Hate The New England Patriots Blog.

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are a "fan", what are you doing on this site? Leave the site to the millions and millions of football fans that truly hate this team.

2:45 AM  
Anonymous Mark said...

By "millions and millions", you mean like.....fifteen, right?

Cause it seems like the same type of people are posting on here...over and over again.

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, Mark, we weren't talking about how old you were. By millions and millions, I mean the rest of the country, not just the pathetic 6 little states in the Northeast.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Mark said...

I may be fifteen (in your world, anyways) but I think even a two-year old would know that its complete bullshit to be speaking up for the entire country.

....well, maybe your brain is only worth a two-year old's time....

So, yeah, okay darling, whatever you say....

5:39 PM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

stop bagging on the patriots. just because the rest of the teams aren't doing so good, dosen't mean you have to put your pity on the Pats. And just because you don't have a girlfriend(most of you)doesn't mean you put your sympathy on this web site. and for you chargers fans, who are on this web site, before the Pats go to the super bowl, they are going to stomp on the chargers before anyone else will

7:31 PM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

patriots are undefeated. and they already beat the famous Cunts. they only won two super bowls! PPPLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAASSSEE

7:37 PM  
Anonymous EXTENDED WOOORRRRDS R FUNNNNEEEEE! said...

Your keyboard seems to be sticking...

Not really surprising, I guess. You really shouldn't drink and type, bro.

Subliminal message: I spy the word "ass" in that last CAPS LOCK SEIZURE you just had. Fitting! And you really shouldn't use the word Cunt unless you've either a)seen a real one not on paper or DVD, or b)are 18 or older. It's a very naughty word. Better shut the basement door so mommy doesn't hear your dirty mouth! :)

Go everybody but the Pats (except the dolphins and jets)!

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL.. that's a good reply. I just love the children who post on here. Typical Pats fans, really.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Jake said...

I honestly thing that you posted twice, the first was the actual reply and the second to praise yourself.

It's alright. There are programs you can go that help people who have no friends or support from others.

GO PATS!!!!!!

3:23 PM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

Your just jealous because mommy's dick is bigger than yours. don't you dare tell me what to do! No, im mot drinking. Neither am i your bro.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

who do you like, Anonymous?Giants?Chargers?Radiers? well, what ever it is, you should focus on your own team. Because the patriots had it with you punks, who think they can do what ever they want. what brought you here in the first place. out of randomness? nothing else better to do? boyfriend no longer wanting more?

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How old are you D D D... 12? 13? 14? Don't you have middle school homework to get done?

2:35 AM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

when i am done with my mom. she said that i am good at math.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous .....Okay? said...

Just....what the hell, guys....

11:43 AM  
Anonymous D.D.D said...

hey, sorry for my sentence last time. i didn't mean that. and i'm sorry that i insulted a person that i don't even know. But football is about sticking to your teams, no matter what happends. I'll still like the patriots, even if they lose. You guys are showing others that your team lost, or did something bad. So, you go on a successful team, and you attack it with you dislikeness. And that goes for all you who is on this web site.But,common sense. Why are we here in the first place, just because we dislike things doesn't mean we have to bite each other in the neck. Look, I don't care if you call me all the names in the book, but i'm sticking to my team. This is my definition of a good fan-a person who likes a specific team that will stick to it no matter what, even if they aren't playing that good. Sorry for the insults. Let me ask you a question......Do you think you like a team that is doing poorly, and staying with it? If not, football to you is just a word. I will not make fun of a team who is losing or not, thats their team not mine. And to that guy who made this website





STOP THE HATRED
I'll still be on this website, often.

Thanks for listening

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck all you haters. I'll come to your place and bitch slap your mom.
~Rodney Harrison

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Maddy said...

Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Brilliant.

That shut people up.....

3:56 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

The Colts didn't beat the Patriots, goddamnit. But it doesn't matter, because the Patriots LOST. To the Giants!!!! A 14-6 team who started out 0-2 and God, lost to the freaking VIKINGS, finally realized their potential after, of all things, LOSING to the Patriots. And after they beat the Bucs, they somehow pulled out wins over the two best teams in the NFC. Nobody even thought about the Giants going to the Super Bowl. It wasn't even a question- the big debate was "Which NFC team will be going, the Cowboys or the Packers?" Neither- the Giants beat them both. And then I suppose Eli was thinking, "Well, I've already beaten some of the best teams in the NFL, so I might as well go all the way!" Ironically, that's exactly what he did, and Tom Brady failed to do. Eli, with his 13-6 team down 14-10, calmly put together a drive that will forever be remembered by Patriots lovers and haters alike. Afterwards, when the Giants were leading 17-14, Brady couldn't do what Eli did. He panicked, tried to lob a few to Moss, and couldn't. And as Eli held up that Super Bowl trophy, there were tears in haters' eyes, because they knew that the whole hellish season was over. And that Patriots fans wouldn't be able to be little bitches about going 19-0 anymore, but rather, have to produce excuses for why they went 18-1. My favorite are the excuses trotted out by David Letterman. But despite everything, the Patriots have no excuse but to say that the Giants really and truly wanted it more. Maybe their players were younger and less experienced than the Patriots' players, but they had more heart, and they wanted that win- for themselves, for their coaches, for their family and friends, for their fans, for Colts fans and Dolphins fans and Patriots haters all around the country. THEY WANTED IT MORE. Suck on that, New England.

8:13 PM  

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