Saturday, May 05, 2007

Tommy Puts a Cap On

Boston, MA (INEPT) - Overheard by our crack reporting team yesterday was a conversation about the birds and the bees between our beloved QB Tom Brady and his father, Tom Brady Sr:

Tom Sr: "Tom, when you do that, you've got to, ummm, put something on."
Tom Jr: "What do you mean, Dad?"
Tom Sr: "Well, if you don't want her to get pregnant, put something on."
Tom Jr: "I don't get you."
Tom Sr: "You know, when you do that thing that gets her pregnant, put something on it."
Tom Jr: "Like, on my head?"
Tom Sr: "Well, yes, I guess that is what you call it."
Tom Jr: "OK, I think I understand you, Dad. Thanks!"

Unfortunately, breaking news reveals that Tommy Jr. didn't quite comprehend his Dad's subtle message:


Tommy: Is this what you meant, Dad?

Later, Tommy donned an entire Yankee outfit while sleeping next to Giselle, hoping that the full regalia might prevent him from "making another no-no." "I think I've got this all figured out now!" Tom was heard screaming at one of his friends.

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23 Comments:

Anonymous The Toad said...

Nice, I was waiting for a post about this to come up. I'm hoping that New England fans are beginning to realize that they are supporting the very type of evil organization that they despise. Yes, the Patriots are the Yankees. Although they pay less than the Yankees, they still are a dictatorial and selfish organization, stacked with whiny egotistical babies and dirty players.

In case all these Patriots fans giving me crap don't realize it, I have lived in New England my entire life, and I hate the New York Yankees as much as I hate the Patriots.

I also would like to point out that I find it rather funny that Richard thinks I'm answering his "questions" with dishonesty when he's the one making up absurd conspiracy theories involving Hater in Chief being the same person as myself, which is obviously not the case. As far as Patriots criminal activity, there is too much to list over the last several years. Some notable highlights are Seymour's Haynesworth-esque stomping of Colts' offensive linemen (just because the helmet was on doesn't justify it), Harrison's repeated purposeful injuring of players, Seau's sexual abuse of women in bars, Sauerbrun's abuse of steroids (What punter uses steroids, I mean seriously. This guy is a whack job who should be expelled from the league), and other previous run-ins with the law by now ex-Patriots like Ty Law (too many to even list). Now we have Brandon MURDERERweather to add to the ongoing list. Not to leave out the non-criminal, yet still unethical actions of Belichick and his adultery, Brady and his being too much of a baby to take responsibility for his baby, and so on.

These are the kinds of athletes I don't root for. Most of the Patriots are no better than the whiny unsportsmanlike athletes that New Englanders typically despise, cheaters like A-Rod and Jason Giambi. The Yankees and the Patriots are one and the same: a complete disgrace to professional sports, a team that doesn't deserve to win.

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so funny turd...

5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:43 PM  
Anonymous the toad said...

Listen bitch I am not jealous

5:53 PM  
Anonymous roma said...

Toad...I don't know who you are, but if I wasn't married, I'd propose! You've stated succinctly so many of my own thoughts on this warped Patriot franchise. Tom Brady's loathsome and infantile behavior toward his impending fatherhood, and Belichick's less than admirable personal actions, point to how strongly this fish is rotting from the head.

Great post!

6:44 PM  
Anonymous The Toad said...

OK... That last comment labeled "the toad" was not me. The first one on this post was. And to all these Patriots fans too unintelligent to even come up with some sort of intelligible response or nickname on here, stop spamming with useless posts and annoying everyone. Patriots fans truly exhibit a lot of child-like behavior.

And, roma, I hope you aren't being sarcastic. I don't think you are, since my hatred for the Patriots is what I always use to pick up the ladies, if you are indeed a lady.

7:18 PM  
Anonymous "lady" roma said...

Toad...I'm being completely genuine...and I can see how you can use this to pick up the ladies...they're not as blinded by the machoness of the athletes and can usually see things for what they are...and things are pretty foul in Foxboro these days!

7:28 PM  
Anonymous the toad said...

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8:45 PM  
Anonymous the toad said...

Seriously this is my post, someone is using my name and I request you please stop or else. This is the real toad.

So you think your funny using my name? this site use to be fun before you patriot idiot fans started showing you true inbred behavior.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous The Toad said...

OK, obviously everyone using the name "the toad" in lowercase and posting unintelligent comments is not me. Everyone better stop using my name to post nonsensical garbage.

10:29 PM  
Anonymous The Toad said...

And another method one might use to determine which posts are made by the real Toad is perfect grammar and spelling.

The Toad is an expert speller.

And I appreciate the comments from roma. It's good to see some people out there with their heads on straight.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Richard said...

“Hater in Chief”

What the hell happened with this site it takes for ever to scroll down and to read comments posted.

Hey I love the Patriots and get a good laugh coming here, but there is no need to take up that much space on a post.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Richard said...

Ok which Toad or toad is talking to me here? The real Toad has a capital T in Toad as he has pointed out.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Richard said...

I think?

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Intestinal fluid said...

Hello one of my friends @ Edgewood College told me about this blog.

I just wanted to ask if any of you are interested in Fantasy Football?

Leagues will be starting in less then 8 weeks

Thanks

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Which Fantasy Football service do you use?

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Intestinal fluid said...

CBS sportsline.com

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Sauerbrun's abuse of steroids"
You mean the guy who plays for the Broncos now?

"run-ins with the law by now ex-Patriots like Ty Law"
You mean the guy who plays for the Chiefs?

"Seau's sexual abuse of women in bars"
The guy who spent nearly his entire career with the Chargers?

"Brady and his being too much of a baby to take responsibility for his baby"
Where the hell did you even come up with that?


Look, I'm not going to come out and tell you the Patriots are saints, they're not. I just think you've vilified a team that is on par or above average with the rest of the league on that particular issue

In the end, I think your holding some of the teams fan's against the team it's self. You don't like people from Boston, and that's ok, nobody likes people from Boston. I detest Boston.

2:03 PM  
Anonymous The Toad said...

Guess what "Anonymous," too afraid to even post your name. Did you even read what I said? Hate people from Boston? I am FROM Boston and a die hard Red Sox fan. I see that everyone involved in the Patriots organization is a phony, selfish, classless asshole, see them get ass lucky constantly, and I choose not to root for them. Brady is a selfish little brat who sues Yahoo and does terrible commercials when he wants more money. Belichick thinks he's better than everyone, and his attitude bugs me to the point where I can't stand him. Where do I get that Brady doesn't take responsibility for his baby? Wow, you must be the only person who has no idea who Bridget Moynahan is. Moron. Next time why don't you make sure you won't come across as a complete idiot before posting on here. You want me to list more current Patriots who are classless assholes? I was pointing at the type of players they tend to have every year in recent years. Only a completely selfish, no-class team does what they did last year after San Diego lost the game for themselves, and the Patriots got lucky as hell after being outplayed. Seymour, Harrison, Moss, Meriweather, Wilfork, Samuel, Stallworth, Bruschi, Brady, Belichick, Kraft are all assholes, as are pretty much everyone else involved with the team, and if that's not enough to hate a team, I don't know what is. No other team has more dislikeable and distrustworthy people in their organization.

4:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, normally it logs me as "Stephen"

"I am FROM Boston and a die hard Red Sox fan"
Your could still easily hate Bostonians, they are despicable

"only person who has no idea who Bridget Moynahan"
Of course I've heard of her, now I'd like see some evidence to back up your claim of his not taking responsibility

"Only a completely selfish, no-class team does what they did last year after San Diego lost the game for themselves"
I'm pretty sure that is was one fucking dude, only a completely selfish no-class players has his own god damned victory dance

"does terrible commercials when he wants more money"
One, the snickers commercial was funny as hell. Two you must hate Manning then.

If you want to hate the Patriots because they're boring to watch, go ahead

If you want to hate the Patriots because you don't think the deserve what they've won, go ahead

But the idea that the Patriots roster is made up of some exceptionally deplorable group of players is laughable. Your guilty of seeing what ever you want to see.

P.S. Fuck Boston

5:44 AM  
Anonymous The Toad said...

Fuck you, man. Brady is obviously giving Bridget the shaft, and instead choosing to plow Gisele. Also, more than one person stomped the Chargers logo, asshole. Pretty much the entire team on the field did. Own victory dance? How about the excessive celebration all of the asshole Patriots do after pretty much every play? Being from New England, I see it happen all the time, during every game. I watched the Chargers game. The logo-stomping act was selfish and deplorable, and the team IS made up of deplorable characters. All of the aforementioned individuals involved with the team are despicable. How are Belichick, Moss, Meriweather not? Take your head out of your ass and jump off the bandwagon, faggot. I also enjoy Manning's commercials, and they kick the shit out of Brady's. Go suck Brady's cock some more you asshole.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Richard said...

Wow Toad,

I feel so humbled to be in your presence I almost feel not worthy,
I see you with all your virtues, being so perfect your holiness. I see you can do no wrong, I see this because you believe it. But I also smell something very disturbing has happened in your life.

Maybe your parents have finally told you to move on out because of the dream world you live in.

You are the joke of this site, you can’t use your real name, you’re a very little man.

12:06 PM  
Blogger ST said...

Thanks Toad for bringing to light all that is wrong with the players on the Pats. I totally agree. I have only jumped on this bandwagon since Brady gave Bridget the shaft. So my hatred of him comes totally from that point of view. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about this loser since this whole situation came to light. I can't believe what a hypocrite and a liar he is. He proclaims himself to be a strong supporter of family values and a role model for kids. I am sorry, but I have 4 sons and if any of them ever treated a woman the way Tom has treated Bridget, I would pound them into the ground. What kind of man leaves his pregnant girlfriend (even if they had split up for 2 weeks, so what) for a model/porn star (have you all seen the nude photos of Gisele flying around the net) and then flaunts it in public every chance he gets. He makes me ill. Anyway, sorry to get off on a Brady tangent. I just really can't stand the man. He is the biggest hypocrite I have ever seen.

6:41 PM  

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