Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Calculus of Worry

Ann Arbor, MI (INEPT) - We must admit. We are worried. The playoff picture is shaping up. And though the road is tough for our beloved Hatriots, it is not as fraught with peril as we might like.

This Guy Is Worried, Are You?

This weekend's game against the Mighty Chargers is an excellent example. San Diego has the trappings of a team that will generously give the game away to Belichoke and pals. Why?
  • Inexperienced QB on otherwise great team: These games tend to be about QB effectiveness, and young QBs tend to, well, stink. See Disaster in Giftsburgh (I) for example. Good ol' Phil Rivers may be in a gift-giving mood.
  • Belichoke knows how to stop the run: We must admit, Belichoke is usually good at taking away the run. Usually. Even in last year's beautiful smashing in Bronco-land, Denver and its mighty rush offense had trouble running the ball. SD reliance on LT makes us worry.
  • Any team coached by Schotty: Marty just gives us a bad feeling. Ask John Elway for details.
For these reasons, we cannot sleep. For these reasons, we continue to worry. Our constitution is strong, but is it strong enough? Each step the Hatriots take, our heart beats faster. We are not sure we can handle another off-season full of Belichoke praise and Tom 'Fraidy glory.

Dear Reader: Are our fears justified? Or should we rest easy, and hope for more Proof that God Exists, delivered to us by LT and company?

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Anonymous Josh Howard said...

Let me first start by reiterating that fact that I love this site like a first born and look forward to reading the new post each and every day. Please continue the Patriot Hate around the country and beyond. Thank you so much for spreading the word.

Now to answer the question…Yes, I too am worried. It doesn’t exactly thrill me that Rivers is a first year starter entering his first playoff action versus the greatest defensive game planner ever. It also doesn’t give me a sense of confidence that Marty Schottenheimer has lost his last five playoff games and is 5-12 all-time. However, as a classic New EnglanDetester I have new hope…

First, former Chargers- Rodney ‘Well after the tackle’ Harrison and Junior ‘Act like a buffoon after an assisted tackle’ Seau will not get a chance to seek revenge on their old team. As far as Reche ‘Crazy Eyes’ Caldwell. Who cares??

Secondly, Wade Phillips and Cam Cameron are very good game planners themselves and should be able to match wits with Belicheck and staff. Both have been able to use their personnel great this season and can identity favorable match-ups, i.e. Shawne Merriman v. Matt Light and whatever back you chose to help. Can you say domination?

Thirdly, Antonio Gates is the x-factor. The Patriots did not have an answer for him in their last meeting (6-108) and tell me what linebacker or safety is going to be able to cover him? I swear to the all-mighty football Gods… If the officials let the Cheatriots get away with that illegal contact and defensive holding bologna, I will jump through my television.

Lastly, the Chargers are a fourth quarter team. They broke the record this season for the most points ever scored in the final frame. If the Boltz can get a lead- Good Night Patriot Nation! The key will be to get up by 10+ points early and let the Dawgs loose.

Hopefully the madness can end by 8:00 EST on Sunday. If not, I have a very bad feeling about Baltimore or Indy. If ever there was a time that the Patriot Loathers need to band together. Now is the time…

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am looking forward to the game on Sunday. I think it should be an excting and close game.I am excited to be able to watch LT get stuffed by Seymour and Bruschi. I don't think that Rivers can match up against Brady though. Prediction: 24-20 (Pats win)

7:53 AM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

Dear Josh,
It is hard not to worry. If the Hatriots eek past the Bolts, Baltimore/Indy doesn't sound too daunting, and anything from the NFC is even worse. I cannot sleep. The Hatriot season MUST end Sunday! It MUST!
- Hater in Chief

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry guys, the Patriots season is not going to end. brady is going to dominate the inexperienced rivers, and LT cannot beat the pats by himself. also belicheck will def outscheme schottinhiemer. sorry but you are going to half to watch the pats win another superbowl this year.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ignore that Hatriots fan. The Chargers are too good to have the Hatriots beat them at home. do not worry!

6:28 PM  
Anonymous benji said...

"brady is going to dominate the inexperienced rivers"

Yes, if Belichick can somehow use his genius to scheme the game into a 1v1 situation between the two QBs, Brady and Rivers, the Patriots would undoubtedly be the favorites. Otherwise, it doesn't look good for New England.

12:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Patriots 34 - Chargers 31! GO PATS! This is the first time I have checked out your site, it is DAMN funny! Only a COLTS fan can dream up crap like that! LOL! Boy Peyton played great yesterday didn't he! Funny how an EX-PATRIOT won the game for them - things that make you go Hmmmmmm!

9:47 AM  
Anonymous BOBBB! GO PATS said...


5:20 PM  
Anonymous pats own my name is bob said...


5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone ever noticed that Belichek has major "Man-Boobs" going on? I think he needs a MANzierre.
PS-if the pats go to another Superbowl, I'm swearing off the NFL forever. They are the sloppiest, sorriest crap excuse for a team I've ever seen. If luck wasn't involved, they'd never win a game.

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me say I live in New England and have to listen to all the undying love for the Gay-triots and that Golden Boy of a QB. Did you hear Phil Simms say, and I quote "Brady knows how to stick it into tight places." MAN, was that funny or what?

Here we go with another week of sickening Boston media and ignorant Patriots fans until Indy finally crushes them next Sunday. If Indy doesn't, I'm going to the movies on Super Sunday. I can't take another win around here and yet another horrid "parade"!

6:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always hated the patties - the most sissy team name in pro sports. I live in Boston and the Red Sox are and will always be the team in this town. That really pisses off the owner of the patties - Bob Kraft. He tries years ago to build a stadium here in South Boston but was turned down flat! Why do I hate the Pats? It's the way they win. They are so damn dirty. Around here in Boston that's all you here is the Pats are the best ever. Better than the Steelers of the 70's. Better than the 49ers of the 80's. It's Pathetic!! The Pats won all their Super Bowls by a field goal. They never could dominate anyone in a big game. They media around here calls them a dynasty and it's such a joke. The Pats are hated nationwide, unlike the Steelers and 49ers who have earned respect in their era. I honestly believe the NFL is now fixed. There is no way in hell the Patties should of beat the Chargers. An obviously way better team in EVERY position.

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pats fans seem to forget they are the only franchise in history to go 0-16 during a season twice! And they call themselves the best ever? GO COLTS! If there is one team I want to beat the Pats other than my beloved Broncos - it's the COLTS! Nothing would be sweeter than see Manning beat the queer - and obviously GAY Brady.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another Gay pats fan said "funny how ex-pattriots wins game for colts - things that make you go Hmmmmmm! Exactly patty boy, realluy makes you go Hmmmm if he is the same guy that beats the Pats. That would be the best ever and funny too!

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe, just maybe writing this will help. - bitter san diegan who had to spend four years in boston and watch those idiots win over and over again

Only Brady would manage to keep a drive going by throwing an interception on fourth down and having the other team fumble it.

I think it was all a genius plan. Belicheck, genius wizard of random chance tells our favorite Tom - "Ok Tom, throw it to the other guys, it'll confuse them...then we'll strip it and get the ball back. They'll challenge it and lose a timeout; then the they won't have enough time to get in good field position after we make one.'
Tom - "Duh, my name is Tom. Tom throw to wrong team, yeah!"
Belicheck - "Good boy."

The play unfolds just as planned, the Patriots even move forward a few yards on the play.

Tom, drooling - "Tom Brady do good job?"
Belicheck - "Yes Tom, good boy, I'll give you a biscuit, just not right now."

Belicheck, ever the genius realizes it will not take long before Tom's simple mind will forget the promise.

And so once again, the idiots move forward.

6:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sucks. Tom Brady is the luckiest motherfucker on the planet. I give him credit for beating the Panthers in SB 38. That's it. The first one? They shouldn't have even been in it because of the bullshit tuck rule. Then Mike Martz makes the dumbest coaching decision in the history of football and doesn't give Marshall Faulk 20 carries and instead repeatedly tries to beat the Pats with Warner throwing into triple coverage. Then against the Eagles in SB 39, the Eagles turned the ball over FOUR FUCKING TIMES and still only lost by three points.

Which brings us to today. SD turns the ball over FOUR FUCKING TIMES and loses by three points. How LUCKY can one team get? If my son wasn't sleeping next to me when San Diego intercepted Brady (for the THIRD time!) then fumbled it away for a Patriots first down, I would've gone outside and sawed my car in half like Jack 'Hacksaw' Reynolds! When that BS play happened, I knew the Patriots were going to win. As I explained to my wife, it's not so much that I dislike the Patriots, it's that I can't stand how the local, regional and national media portray them as the kings of sportsmanship, saying that they "win with class." What?! Did you see Mike Vrabel mocking Shawne Merriman's dance (the same way he mocked the Eagles by flapping his arms after he caught a TD in SB 39)? Did you catch LaDainian Tomlinson in the post game interview saying that some of the Patriots were dancing on their logo? And don't even get me started on NO-CLASS Bill Belichick. Just like the Eagles gave the Super Bowl to the Patriots, the Chargers gave this divisional playoff game away. Anyway, have a nice week, and as much as it pains us, we HAVE to root for Peyton Manning next weekend. I can't stomach the thought of the Patriots in another Super Bowl. Please, Dwight Freeney, wipe that Cheshire-cat smirk from Tom Brady's face. Please, Joseph Addai, run over Mike Vrabel and stomp on his nuts. Fuck this shit. The Patriots are like Duke Basketball. The system wins, not the players. The next time you watch Duke, pay close attention to their SPACING. Coach K recruits dudes who can shoot the three like Trajon Langdon, Wojiekowski, Chris Collins, and now gay-ass Greg Paulus, and they always have three players above the arc. Then they have some stiff in the middle who only has to go one-on-one and looks like he's the next coming of Bill Russell. (What has Shelden Williams done in the pros?) That's why Redick sucks in the pros, Hurley sucked, and everyone in the Duke program sucks outside of the offensive system set up by Coach K. The Patriots are similar. Their SYSTEM is what makes the players. Take dickhead Mike Vrabel and Tom Brady and put them on any other team and they are average at best. Dicks. Win with class my ass.

7:37 PM  
Blogger rich said...

Wow, holy fuck I can't believe the chargers lost that game. Actually I can believe it, given the patriots history of gut-wrenching lucky idiotic fumble recoveries off interceptions late in the 4th quarter. How many times can 1 team win like that? As soon as I saw that interception-turned-patriots 1st down I knew the game was over. That play should be shown to all defensive backs repeatedly before all postseason games, especially against the patriots- a lesson for all defensive players who think they can make an interception and run with the ball for glory and show off their moves, when in reality they really need to just drop to the ground and smother the ball- in other words USE YOUR HEAD. If that Charger player had done that (don't know who it was) the game would have most likely been over, Patriots lose. FUCK.

After watching the game end, the patriot helmets coming off, belichick, brady celebrating a-fucking-gain, I went straight to Google and typed in 'I hate the patriots'. This blog came up and it is EXACTLY what I was looking for. Keep up the good work, I will be here all week.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

Dear All,

We feel your pain. That is all that can be said right now.

- Hater in Chief

2:58 AM  
Anonymous You guys are hilarious. said...

I'm going to do you all a favor for a second and bring you back to reality:


Now you may go back to your whining and incessant swearing.

Keep going, nothing you can say will erase what happened. Even if the Pats don't win the Bowl, they still beat the team that broke the most records this year. Which is more than Peyton Manning did, I am happy to say. :)

So carry on. Swear at me. Zoom away from reality. It won't help you one bit.

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen to this....

We live in New England, but can't stand the Patriots... except my husband likes them. My daughter goes to a middle school and tomorrow there is going to be a "Patriots" day for you to wear your Patriots gear, but you CANNOT wear another team. Isn't this a violation of her civil rights? Where the heck do we live? I believe we SUPPOSEDLY have the freedom to root for anybody we want. OH, I forgot, we live in New England where they like to TELL you what to do.

God, I hate the Patriots fans!

3:18 AM  
Blogger Hater in Chief said...

Dear Anonymous,

Your story about your daughter breaks our hearts. But we here at INEPT believe in fighting the good fight. Why not outfit your daughter in a beautiful Hatred T-shirt and send her off to school? If you say you won't do that because you "love her" and "fear for her life", those may not be good enough excuses.

Best of luck,
The INEPT Staff

5:56 AM  
Anonymous Josh Howard said...

Dear anonymous with the daughter,

That is one of the worst stories that I have ever read. It pains my innards and I feel so bad for your poor little daughter being subjected to such ridiculous and utter suckism. It is just yet another example of bandwagon jumping Patriot fans trying to spread the word of King Kraft, Lord Brady and the All-Mighty Belichick.

I know that you don’t want your daughter to feel out of place or left out, but the best thing to do is purchase as much Colts apparel as possible and dress her from head to toe for the remainder of the week. I am sure that you can find a ‘little girls’ Joseph Addai jersey somewhere…Like the INEPT staff said- she may be the blunt of certain criticism and ridicule, but in the end it will all be worth it if Indy can annihilate New England.

6:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW I never realized there were those t-shirts and stuff... that hatred stuff is great.

She wore her Peyton Manning shirt today. I challenge the school to send her home, and I will be picking her up in my Indy sweatshirt, along with a local news crew that might be interested in hearing how her civil rights were violated. No word yet, so I would imagine they were all talk... like most Patriots fans!

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear mother,
I happen to live in beloved New England, home of the beloved Patriots. And I doubt you cannot wear another team's shirt. I'm pretty sure it would be on the news. So go cry and move away to Indy.

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would be against her civil rights to send her home with her Indy shirt on. I will live here in New England all my life, as I have thus far, even though I hate ignorant Patriot fans. Nobody can tell me what to do... especially you.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank GOD for the Colts! HOORAY!

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Moose said...

It bewilders me how the Patriots defensive backs get away with murder,Randy Moss can shove off with impunity,defensive linemen can push down the opposing quarterback without suffering any consequences AND the NFL front office destroys all of the evidence of Spygate. I mean Rodney Harrison should be thrown out of the game and he gets a game saving interception. The Duke basketball analogy is accurate. They get behind and turn up the defensive pressure. i.e. foul the crap out of the other team every time down the floor and pull out another Cameron Home Court Victory. And what is the Patriots legacy? They have won three Super Bowls by a total of NINE POINTS!!!! Cheat, play dirty, intimidate the officials and you create a dynasty! Add a disgruntled hyper talented reprobate wide receiver who is willing to play for far under market cap (hmm,this isn't TO I'm talking about)and you have an undefeated season. If the Giants can avoid that crazy three minute stretch they suffered during the last game of the season, where NE dirty defense was praised by Cris Collinsworth as a veteran move, but the Giants receiver was playing dirty (and of course found out by the officials to be the offending party), who knows.Good lUck Giants!

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"For these reasons, we cannot sleep. For these reasons, we continue to worry. Our constitution is strong, but is it strong enough? Each step the Hatriots take, our heart beats faster."

...haha that is the biggest jealousy quote ive ever heard and its the introduction quote to this site...JUST LISTEN TO YOURSELVES ITS HILARIOUS! GO PATS!! 3 RINGS BABY

2:47 PM  

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