Friday, February 01, 2008

SuperBore Prediction

Arizona (INEPT) - It has come down to this. One day. One game. The season of endless pain, finally at an end. Each week, a challenger has stepped up, and each week, the challenger has failed. Failed to make that one play, that crucial stop, that critical catch. Or, as in the case of Washington Redskins, those seven essential touchdowns and uncounted other plays that would have been required to win a game they lost 52-7.


Redskins: You stink

Sometimes, here at INEPT, we can sense a pending Patriot loss. Last year, with the heroic Colts at home in the Championship game, we predicted the outcome. And it happened. Can it happen again?


Colts defeat Patriots, 2007

Along the way this year, fate has seemed to conspire against us. Experienced teams and quarterbacks fell gently out of the playoffs (e.g., Favre and Manning losing), clearing the path for those Hated souls in blue and white. Where experience existed, injuries arrived, turning possible upsets into mind-numbing losses (e.g., the Chargers with Gates, Rivers, and LT hurt). What was the Gauntlet has turned into the perfect storm in the Patriots' favor.


The Perfect Storm: A Bad Movie

So we are down to Eminem time: we have one shot, one last opportunity to seize everything we ever wanted. Will the Giants capture it, or just let it slip? Eminem did it; can the Giants?


Giants: Seize your opportunity, or Brady's ankle

Do we believe in Karma? In the justness of the football Gods? If so, there may be no better way to set things right. In this year of cheating, what better way to punish those who do wrong by giving them nearly everything and then snatching it all away?

We had a dream the other night. Eli and the Giants on their own 20, with less than two to play. Score: 28-24, New England hanging on. A crossing route to Plax, a screen to Bradshaw, and they were moving.


Plax, then Bradshaw

A run up the middle by Jacobs, and a slant to Smith.


Jacobs, and Smith

An out to Plax; the Giants now in scoring range. Time ticking down. An incomplete pass, and another. A quick pass to Amani, short of the first. Fourth down, 10 ticks on the clock, one last play. One last shot.


10 seconds on the clock

The ball is snapped. Eli fades back. Patriot blitz, but the line holds. Eli lofts one to the corner, with Plax running under it. Samuel with good coverage. They leap ...


Plax leaps for the ball

In the dream, he catches it. In the dream, the final score: Giants 31, New England 28. In the dream, the season ends in the most fitting way possible. 18-1. Perfection: Denied. Cheaters: Didn't Prosper. Patriots: Victims of one the greatest upsets in Sports History. In the dream. Right now, that is all that it is. A dream. Come Sunday, we can only hope, it will become a reality.

Prediction: Giants 31, New England 28. Dreams do come true.



Dreams do come true. Ask Cinderella, MFers.

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11 Comments:

Anonymous PatriotsReign said...

"Dreams do come true. Ask Cinderella, MFers."
Unfortunately, HIC, Cinderella was a fairy tale. Dreams don't come true.
Unless, of course, you're dreaming of the Patriots to finish 19-0.
GO PATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:04 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

Sooo Funny...

go Pats!!!!!!!!!!!

11:12 AM  
Anonymous PatsandSeahawks said...

Did you know that Disney made a Cinderella 3? How pathetic is that?

12:23 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

When Haters wish upon a star...
Makes no difference who you are,
A loss is what our heart deseires,
The Pats aaaare, duuuuue

Hater in Chief a loss he dreamed,
Plax will win it like Sid Bream
When Haters wish upon a star
Chowds wiiiill beeeee bluuuuuuuuee.


"What time is it? HATE TIME! What time is it? HATE TIME! All my Haters in the house? WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!"

NO CAPTIVES!!! NO ACQUIESCENCE!!!!

3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha you guys are pathetic @$$holes... the pats are going to stomp your dreams and your gay websight on sunday.. haha
GO PATS!!!!!!!!

4:47 PM  
Anonymous PatsandSeahawks said...

Here's what will happen: The evil stepmother (Bill Belichick) will steal the Fairy Godmother's wand and use it to travel back in time, and create a time paradox where Cinderella (The Giants) never wore the slippers.

By the way, that's the actually plot of Cinderella 3. I am dead serious. I don't know if they subtitled the movie, but if they did, it should be called, "Cinderella 3: Back to the Future". After all, the filmmakers have nothing to lose but their last shreds of dignity.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Chip Dawg said...

PATRIOT NATION!!
Less than 48 hours until kickoff!!! Arizona is the place. 6:30 PM is the kickoff time. Everything is on the line. There is no substitute for victory here, but we face determined foes.
On the other side of the line of scrimmage are not just the New York Giants. There are the 1972 Miami Dolphins and that Mercury Morris, the crackhead who can't help but run his mouth. What did he say, something like don't talk to me unless you're in my neighborhood or on his block? Merc, my buddy, we're about to kick your fucking door in.

There's also old washed up Don Shula who can't help but yearn for New England's defeat. What a pathetic old goat. During that Baltimore game that smug look on his face made me really want to kick his teeth in. I can't wait to see the look on his face should the Pats eclipse his mark. He'll congratulate the Pats, say all the right things, but inside you know that he'll be like a cunty little school girl who wants his binky.

There are also the ghosts of Boston sport's past, the ones we can't help but think of in big games & the rivals we've lost to: The 1978 and 2003 Yankees, the 1986 Mets, the 1978 Oakland Raiders, the 2005 Denver Broncos, and the 2006 Indianapolis Colts.

There are also, and I can't believe I'm even mentioning them, the pathetic and truly irrelevant Haters on this site who simply hate for hate's sake. All season long they've whined like pathetic parrots about asterisks, cheating, and calling Tom Brady, one the best QBs the game has ever seen and a man who bangs supermodels, a faggot. They're not very bright and can't think of much more. If the Giants lose, I'm sure they'll be chalk full of sorry excuses.
Then there are the Arlen Specters of the world. How the fuck does this donkey get off in bringing up camera-gate five months after the fact? Shouldn't he be thinking of ways to help us avoid a Goddamn recession??? Clearly he's a miserable Pittsburgh Steelers fan, but does he really think that this revelation about Goodell destroying videos will stop Belichick and the Nation? If anything, it will only add more fuel to the fire. These morons have never understood how much Camera-gate has helped the Patriots, and with one game left dopes like Specter will never figure it out. It'd be nice if he could figure out how to fix the damn gas prices while he's at it.

Also on the other side are the media people like Marshall Faulk and others who in public say good things about the Pats, but in private hate them because they've lost big games to Brady and Co. They're over there too. Waiting with smug expressions. Secretly yearning to see the fall of the Patriots. Jealousy. Sad and pathetic jealousy.

Also standing in the Patriot way is history with the weight of a perfect season on the line. This past season was chalk full of the most powerful and dramatic victories over teams like the the Colts, the Ravens, the Eagles, and the Cowboys. The experience works with the Pats. The pressure against them. But if anyone can handle the pressure the Patriots can.

So on our side of the line of scrimmage are our battle-tested Patriots. Nearly all the best teams in the league have thrown everything they have at the Patriots. Yet the Patriots, the NFL's version of the 300 Spartans, still stand. Alongside them is quiet confidence, and outstanding coach, a red-hot QB, veteran leadership, but also a new age of Boston sports history. It's been remarkable. We've seen three Superbowl titles in the past six years, two Red Sox World Series titles in the past four years, and now after 22 years of futility a truly dominant Boston Celtics team and a Bruins team that is on the rise.

The Patriots, however, are not just going to stand in defiance of history. They're going on the offensive. Make no mistake - they're going after the Giants with a drive to turn them, particularly Eli Manning, upside down, inside out, and finally to bury them in the Arizon desert and in the pages of history.

60 MINUTES OF FOOTBALL! NO PRISONERS!! NO MERCY!!!

8:07 PM  
Blogger Dave H said...

Nothing makes me laugh more than the "Ghosts of Boston Sports History."

There are no ghosts, Boston was just too racist to accept players like Jackie Robinson (booed out of his tryout) and Willie Mayes (Red Sox deemed no black player was worth scouting at the time). You had the Auerbach Celtics which dominate, and they thanked Bill Russell by shitting in his living room. So why are Boston fans more "long suffering" than Cleveland or Philedelphia? We'd all like to know.

You got your rings now we need not hear more sob stories. New flash: New York beat you all those years because they were BETTER, just like you're better than them now.

R60 MINUTES OF PLEASURING MYSELF!!! NO KLEENEX!! NO JERGENS!!

9:37 PM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Good Lord, Chip Dawg, get a life! There's more to life than drowning in the sorrows of Boston sports ghosts. That was pathetic. Although, I didn't read your dissertation. I got bored half way through.

GO G-MEN... END THIS MADNESS!

NO DISSERTATIONS! NO WHINING!

3:34 AM  
Anonymous I love the Colts but hate the Pats just as much... said...

God... I just want the Giants to win so badly tonight. And they're not even my favorite team (that would be the Colts- I will love them forever even though they weren't there to knock off the Pats). I had a dream last night that the Giants lost after leading for almost the entire game, and watching it made me violently ill. The sad thing is, I can actually see this happening in real life. Hopefully I won't have to be violently ill because the Giants will win. I want them to win so badly, I could cry.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The SB just ended and my 3yr old daughter was watching Cinderella and she grabbed me to watch the end of it. When the evil stepmother locked Cinderella in her room, my daughter gave me this upset look, like when you know someone horrible is going to get away with being a nasty, evil person...

Then I told her the mice were coming with the key and the bad people were not going to win, and she was riveted for the rest of the movie, until the glass slipper was on Cinderella's foot and they cut to the evil witch's face with that look of utter horror - knowing she was utterly tooled.


Put Bellichek's head on the evil stepmother. That's what I was thinking.

Fuck the Patriots.

10:34 PM  

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