Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Mr. Perfect responds: "Oops"

New England (INEPT) - Mr. Perfect, media darling, and all-around good guy Tom Brady, in response to recent news of his pending fatherhood, had a simple one word reply to the situation: "Oops!"


Does Bridget Look A Little Bigger Here?

"Wow, I don't know how that happened," shouted a bewildered Brady. "Well, I have some idea. Sort of. Something about birds and bees. I really wasn't listening when Mom told me about it. I knew I should have listened. I knew it!

The mother-to-be, actress Bridget Moynahan, sounded unsurprised. "I told Tommy what would happen if he insisted on doing that, but he wouldn't listen," she told reporters outside her bedroom window. "He started to pout, whine, and stomp his feet when I was saying 'no', so I just gave in. He's such a big baby."


Tommy: Even Bigger Than This Baby

Good friend Peyton Manning criticized Brady for his handling of the situation. "When Bridget told him the news, he wouldn't even shake her hand. Seriously, he just ran out of there, went straight to the locker room and hit the showers. What a sore loser," Manning said, staring at his Superbowl ring.

"I guess this kills my new ad campaign for Trojan-brand condoms," Tom said. "Crap -- that was totally going to pay for my new girlfriend's bathing suit collection. Giselle's sure gonna be mad now."

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16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's even a bigger jerk than I realized!

From Perezhilton.com:

Tom Brady didn't make it to the Super Bowl this year, but he is playing one helluva very public game in the media with his now pregnant ex-girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan.

The accusations have started to fly since news broke that the former couple are having a baby!

IT'S getting nasty between New England Patriots quarter back Tom Brady and his pregnant ex, "Six Degrees" ac tress Bridget Moynahan. Pals of Brady claim Moyna han didn't bother to tell him she was announcing her pregnancy via Liz Smith's column in The Post on Sunday. "Bridget didn't even bother to tell him she was going to go public with this," said a friend. Some say that Moynahan, three months expectant with her first child, "may have gotten pregnant on purpose. She is 36, wanted a baby, and Tom was dumping her. It's a little suspicious." But a friend of Moynahan said, "Please. They dated for three years and they broke up in December - right around the time he found out she was pregnant and he immediately started dating Gisele Bundchen. Who's the gross one here?" A rep for Moynahan said, "We got calls [about the pregnancy] and confirmed them, but he did get a heads-up."
Tom Brady and Matt Leinart have a lot to talk about now!

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Josh Howard said...

They call him Tom Brady…He was the ‘Golden Child’ from Northern California that seemed to have the world by the testis. He had it all…money, good looks, great fortune, and average football skills. He recently joined forces with a gorgeous supermodel and was primed to fall into another Super Bowl appearance, but his luck would soon change.

Within a month, this once untouchable prophet has found himself on the wrong side of life, heading nowhere in a hurry. Mr. Brady has now been cast under the gigantic shadow of his far superior rival, Peyton Manning. Not to mention, he has recently learned that he will be the proud father of a brand-new bastard child. Who would have guess that ultimately his demise could be caused by a combination of his overrated quarterbacking skills, charming smile and dangerously potent sperm. To top it off, Tommy Boy is also a key witness in a bizarre trial that involves his grossly obese friend/former coach Charlie Weis and a Gastric Bypass surgery gone-wrong. Sounds like life in Loserville, Massachusetts is going well.

Thank you to the INEPT Staff for the invitation to Hatriot Immortality. As Steve Perry from Journey would say…I accept your invitation with “open arms”. To Hatriots around the nation I say “Don’t stop believing and hold on to this feeling”.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Crybrady said...

Where're all the Patriot fans now? Oh yeah, they're probably still trying to figure out snappy comebacks and ways to justify Tom being a manwhore. Hey Fellow Hatriot fans, added irony: Tom Brady's Catholic, so Catholic, in fact, that there's a picture of him kneeling in front of the Pope! Hilarious! You guys HAVE to find that and put it up on this page.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Tom Brady is being especially mature and responsible in the situation. He has not accused Bridget of anything (even though she probably got pregnant on purpose). Anyway, it doesn't really matter, and you Patriot Haters are making your case worse by giving Brady all of the attention all of the time. Oh and Josh Howard, you have way too much time on your hands. Get a job buddy.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey i would have tom brady's baby anytime

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Josh Howard said...

Hello Mr. Anonymous Tom Brady Apologist,

“She probably got pregnant on purpose”….Excuse me? What they hell does that mean?? Did she refuse to take her birth control or did she poke a hole in the condom package? Wait, I know what she did…when Tom was sleeping, Bridget had a surgeon come in an remove a one of Tom’s loads and then she got artificially inseminated after the two broke up. These all sound legit to me.

It is funny how fans of Tom will not blame Brady for anything, including impregnating someone. It is similar to how he is never responsible for any of their playoff losses, but yet gets all the credit when they win. He even gets credit when he sucks butt hole, prime example, the San Diego debacle. I have two words for Tom- ‘Child Support’.

One last thought. I appreciate your concerns for my employment status, however, I am employed. Nevertheless, my true passion is revealing the truth about the crumbling empire known as the New England Patriots.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Moynihan getting pregnant sure does poke holes in my "Tom Brady is gay" theory, however, I live here in ULTRA-PURITAN New England, and you would think these pilgrims would be devastated that their "golden boy" screwed up. Instead, as you said it, they are making excuses for him. Pathetic!

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you kidding?!! This guy is next to a Saint in New England, he can never do anything wrong in their eyes.

I read a post where one of his fans said that if he looses Superbowl 2007, Bridget Moynahan is to blame!

4:45 PM  
Anonymous CWM said...

Well first off I don't think Tom Brady will be playing in superbowl 2007 seeing as we're on 41 right now, I don't think he will be the Patriots quarterback 1608 years from now.

Secondly, I don't see how this is such a big deal. So the guy had sex with the girl he was dating and for whatever reason she wound up getting pregnant. They broke up before they knew she was pregnant and he's a pretty eligible guy so it doesn't take him long to find someone else, a supermodel. Then he finds out his ex is pregnant, it's an unfortunate set of circumstances no doubt, and I feel very badly for that child, but I don't see how this makes Tom Brady a bad person. Let's recap, he had premarital sex *gasp* , it probably wasn't the first time *gasp*, and she got pregnant. I hate to break it to you guys but this sort of thing does happen to people from time to time, there's nothing particularly shocking about this.

9:49 PM  
Anonymous cwm said...

1406 years from now*

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha sry 1606 years from now* I know math I swear

9:51 PM  
Anonymous cwm said...

maybe not actually seeing as its 1966

9:54 PM  
Anonymous you wish said...

too bad theyre undefeated, yall haterrs on greatness.
undefeatedd all the way
so suck on that one, bitches.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Losers,

What's Peyton Manning doing now? Going to Gatlinburg for vaca? Loser!

p.s. How about the Chargers? Oh yea, and I hear Brett Favre's Cheese Heads are losing to the Giants..........I thought he was your last hope.... oh well. Just give the Super Bowl trophy to the New England Patriots NOW!! Ha!

Give it up folks! America's Team, The New England Patriot have ruled the NFL and will continue to rule until Tom Brady leaves footbal to run our country from the White House! Brady/Moss in '08! God Bless America!

5:43 PM  
Anonymous ne rocks said...

I really like the patriots, but not randy. I like donte stallworth, wes welker, or maroney, but because of what randy moss did to our team to make it so great, I don't hate him.

GO PATRIOTS


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