Tuesday, November 20, 2007

New England Loses at (European) Football

Washington (INEPT) - So much for never losing at football. This past Sunday, we all saw what many have hoped for all year. That's right, dear Readers, you guessed it: we finally got to see New England lose a football game this year.


Houston Dynamo defeats New England Revolution

We now will break down the ingredients required to take down those footballers from the Northeast. Pay attention, teams of the NFL, and get a head start on ending this season of undefeat.
  • Make the coach wear ugly clothing. "I see your sweatshirt, and raise you one ugly hat", is what the Houston coach seemed to be saying. Clothing is clearly an important piece of defeating New England. Check out the Houston Dynamo's coach, Dominic Kinnear. His ears must be cold!



  • Dominic Kinnear: Ugly hats are key to success

  • Use an odd, hard to pluralize team nickname. Yes, the New England Revolution lost to the Houston Dynamo. Clearly, having an unusual pluralization is critical. Perhaps the Colts should become the "Herd", or the Steelers should change their name to "the local 419". Alternately, get the Utah Jazz to play football.



  • What is the singular of Dynamo?

  • Have some Canadians on the team.The Dynamo had the famous Dwayne De Rosario, who hales from Toronto. Perhaps NFL teams should call up some players from the CFL. Of course, you have to remind them about 4th down.


The real lesson, of course, from the MLS championship was much simpler. It takes a repeat champion to beat those New Englanders we love to hate. Someone who has been there before, who will not wilt when the time comes. Someone who will feel that other guy coming on like an avalanche and reach down to find an extra gear. Someone who, when the team is down by 4, with 1:30 on the clock and the snow coming down hard in your eyes, can throw it deep to the corner where only the receiver can make the play. Which previous champion will step up? Here at INEPT, we have some ideas:


Previous Champs: Remember Who You Are

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25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol MLS.

No one cares about the MLS. :)

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember, Gaytriots fans only like the Gaytriots. They know nothing about football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, Nascar, nothing. They are fair weather fans and jump on the winning bandwagon. It's so much better when the Patriots don't play in the super bowl... that way nobody gets killed by the idiotic Boston fans! No cars get set on fire, no people getting trampled, it's kinda nice!

6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By no one, I meant no one important.

And yes, I totally agree with everything you said.

(Patriot Fans- challenge nothing they say, and they'll think they win!)

6:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. That was kind of an unfair statement to make. I really hope you’re kidding because if you actually believe that Patriots fans only like football, then that makes you a bit ignorant and narrow-minded. No offense, but it seems like you have no idea what you’re talking about. Most Patriot fans are also baseball fans. In fact, people around here have been loyal Red Sox fans for years, even while they didn’t win for over 80 years. I also know plenty of Patriot fans that love basketball and even soccer. I’m just saying, you can hate the Patriots if you want, but insulting the team’s fans with false accusations that you seem to have made up in your own little mind is a bit unfair. I bet that if you if lived around here, you’d be a Patriot fan too and you’d probably be just as passionate about defending and celebrating your team.

3:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I DO live in New England, which is why I can say these things. Most Patriots fans only give kudos to the Patriots. Even if there is a great game between, let's say, Denver and Buffalo, nobody cares because the Patriots weren't in it. If it doesn't directly affect their team, they don't care. That's what I mean about not being interested in the game of football. The same could be said for baseball. I can understand being primarily interested in your favorite team, but to dismiss the idea that someone else could have an exciting game is sickening. Yeah, I do live in New England and absolutely loathe the Patriots, but I always have. I love the game of football, and was brought up a NY Giants fan. We have Directv and get the NFL Sunday Ticket, simply because I want a choice as to what game to watch and not be forced to watch the Patriots roll over yet another opponent. My kids are Giants, Seahawks and Broncos fans, so we need ticket to see their games.

5:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Even if there is a great game between, let's say, Denver and Buffalo, nobody cares because the Patriots weren't in it. If it doesn't directly affect their team, they don't care. That's what I mean about not being interested in the game of football. The same could be said for baseball. I can understand being primarily interested in your favorite team, but to dismiss the idea that someone else could have an exciting game is sickening."

That's a bad generalization to make. I'll have you know that I ama die-hard Pats fan, Sox fan, Celtics fan, and Bruins fan, and I watch OTHER games besides the ones including any of the above. I saw the Titans game, the Colts game against the Skins, and the Browns game where Dawson hit that funny field goal. I don't just watch football games to cheer on my own team- I and many other fans that I know love the sport itself and not merely the people who play it.

For someone who has kids, you make unfair generalizations for a small percentage of fans' behavior.

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It may be a generalization that I have made through years of tolerating these fair weather fans. I know there are some actual sports fans, but, you have to admit, most Patriots fans (not Red Sox, Bruins or Celtics) are only Patriots fans and have no idea or care about the rest of the league. AND the majority of what I hear/see are the ones who just adore this team now that they are invincible. Before that, they could care less.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not most- SOME.

They consist of little/teenage girls in Patriots jerseys who scream Brady's name and don't know what position he plays.

Trust me. I live in NE as well, and I hate the . You must have had some bad luck to only have met the fans that bring shame to the awesome sports dynasty of Boston, but I assure you that's not the way most Pats fans think.

And to be honest- they were invincible for awhile. Like, six years ago, when Brady began to play. To be honoring or following a team for six years (three out of which we didn't win the Bowl)isn't that bad for a new generation of fans, is it? And really, presently it doesn't matter when the Patriots sucked- it only matters if they suck now.

...Which they don't, so yeah...

You can't hate the team for the fans' behavior. I think this site sucks cause the people who're Haters are only here cause the fans they meet happen to be the worst ones.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Lombardi Bandwagon said...

Wow...There have been consecutive intelligent posts on this thread...by Pats AND Non-Pats fans! An early Christmas miracle? I'll take it.

Previous poster, yeah, the pats fans who usually post on here are of the 'screaming teenage girls 4 Brady' and bandwagon variety. I'll give you that one. And I think most of us do hate the obnoxious fans more than the team itself (I'm split down the middle myself). Most of us Haters hate the bandwagoners, who are ALWAYS the worst. I live in WI, and the Packer bandwagon is at its loudest and most annoying since 1996 (97?). Everyone who was calling for Favre's retirement and Mike McCarthy's head a year ago now has both back on their godlike pedestals. Granted, Favre's a great player (like Brady) but people act so ridiculous about it, like Favre/Brady is the greatest ever ever ever, and you're stupid, moronic, jealous (my favorite lame-o argument of the dimmest Pat fans), etc. if you don't share a Patfan/Packer point of view, that is, if you like a (gasp!) other team.

I have friends who like the Pats, but they aren't nearly as asisine as the ones who post on here. They're actually pretty decent, other than their choice in football teams.

As an aside, I don't care for the Pats themselves because of their total lack of class. A few years back, they prided themselves on being this classy football team that didn't trash talk and do TO like celebrations. Now, they spike footballs left and right, stomp on opposing players, snub the other team's coaches, cheat, and throw into the end zone on a fourth down when they're ahead by 40 points. Come on. We get it, Bill. You're pissed that you finally got caught cheating after who knows how long. Buy some new clothes, and move on, before you keep Brady in the game just a little too long into the fourth quarter and he gets creamed by some 400 pound lineman.

Not that I wouldn't mind tivo-ing that. :)

3:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you on tivo-ing the hit on Brady. Now that he is running his mouth regarding "killing" their opponents and not simply winning the game, the target on his back is even bigger. If some defensive back/end decides to knock him out of action, they can kiss this season goodbye. Matt Cassel is useless.

3:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First, I'd like to say that this is the first time a Hater has actually responded with a simple, clean, and well-thought out argument, rather than calling Brady gay or something stupid like that-I commend you. And yes, I do agree about the fans in WI as well- Brett Favre is a good QB, like Brady, but sometimes things get too out of hand.

Though I'd like to politely disagree with one statement here:

"Now, they spike footballs left and right, stomp on opposing players, snub the other team's coaches, cheat, and throw into the end zone on a fourth down when they're ahead by 40 points."

First, I think now they have a slight reason to be mad, though. I mean, the cheating thing was minor, very insignificant, as you can see by their perfect record, yet America still calls them cheaters when it's proven that they didn't even use the tape during the game! (It got immediately destroyed) Wouldn't you be upset if your team's past wins were called into question by a stupid little video that taped Mangini's less-than-decent signals? I think your QB, Favre, said it best himself in a press conference when asked about this. He said that basically, you need actual players to make plays- I.E., you can't just stand there, staring at the other team's coach, and magically be able to perform anything. The Pats are trying to prove to the NFL that they have what it takes, without the help of a video camera. Honestly, I don't see where the taping of signals is any different than writing them down or looking at them and committing them to memory.

And stomp on opposing players? I don't get it. Since when did they inflict personal injury on the opponent when they're on the ground? Oh, another thing to add- I have never, in my fanhood, ever heard Brady or Belichick dis another team during a press conference. Watch all of them- each praises the other team's efforts, commends the other team's players and plays, and hey, they don't call themselves "classy" like LT did. Not to mention, Belichick makes no judgment about his play or the other team's play- he leaves it as it is and backs out gracefully. Sure, he's a jerk and a half in social relations- but that doesn't matter when it comes to coaching good football and having tact when dealing with the media.

I agree with you on the fact that it is painful to watch them rack up the score- I felt SO BAD for the Redskins, and I felt SO BAD for the Dolphins. Truly. But, as Madden said himself- isn't it up to the defense to prevent such racking from occurring? Shouldn't the Bills defense, for example, have pushed it up a notch to actually score some more points?

So far, the Colts were the only ones who actually did anything like that- they had the defense that worked hard to prevent this from happening. (AND Brady absolutely praised them for it.)

I've been a true-blue Pats fan since the nineties. Trust me when I say that I don't think they are making as many un-classy exhibits of behavior like you think, considering the social crap people are giving them- I'd say they're letting off some steam. It'll blow over.

And thank you for the first good argument on this stupid site.

3:49 PM  
Anonymous Lombardi Bandwagon said...

You're welcome, and back at you, Pats Fan, for not calling me gay, jealous, stupid, or some random junior high swear word. I can see you're not a bandwagoner. It's appreciated. I'm a Steelers fan, so it's no surprise I don't like the Pats much. :)

The stomping incident was last season, actually, by Merriweather. There's video of it on here somewhere. I saw it during the game, too. He literally stomped a guy after he was already tackled. It totally looked like something a Baltimore Raven or Warren Sapp would do.

And, what I meant about Belichick and Brady dissing the other team: they both beelined for the locker room after they lost in the playoffs last year without so much as acknowledging Manning/Dungy. Belichick especially seems like the biggest sore loser ever. He reminds me of that friend you'd play Monopoly with when you were a kid, and when he'd keep landing on your Boardwalk and having to pay you money, he'd end up throwing his play money everywhere and kicking the board. ANYWAY...They can usually collect themselves by the team the press conference rolls around, except for the time Brady was just about in tears in one press conference over how the Dolphins trounced them (he accused them of cheating, in short). And Brady talking about 'killing' the other team? That's not too high class, either.

I should get back to having a life, now. Regardless of who wins, the Pats/Steelers game ought to be good. Personally, I think the Steelers defense is better than the Colts', so it'll be interesting to see what Brady'll do against some decent pressure.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, fair enough. I think I should get back to my life as well.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see that week whose team plays the better. May the best win.

Peace.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Jeremy Cohen said...

You guys are funny.

I would hate the ever living fuck out of us too if I were the fan of some middle of the pack joke-ass team.

I've been there before.

I also had to root for the Nomar and Troy O'leary-led Red Sox against the 90's version of the Pats, the Paul O'Neil Yankees.

How lucky were those clowns?? Every bounce and call in the book went their way for 7 years, not to mention they could outspend everyone by 150%.

Anyway, good site, keep up the hate.

We hate you too!

10:54 PM  
Anonymous ConcussBrady said...

I disagree that Patriots fans are only Patriots fans. Remember, these people weren't even Patriots fans until they started winning. When I first started watching football in 1982, nobody, and I mean NOBODY was a Patriots fan because the either sucked or, even worse in the eyes of the average NE sports fan, they were mediocre, which means they had no reason to draw any attention to themselves. The only thing Boston sports fans like to do more than win poorly, is lose poorly. An average .500 team doesn't give them enough joy or misery either way to make them worth the time to care about.

A good example is the Celtics. The winningest team in NBA history was irrelevant for the longest time around here. And all you would hear is "The NBA sucks, screw the NBA, football and baseball rule!". Now the NBA is suddenly great again. Why? Oh, that's right, the celtics went out and dropped a bunch of money and now they are great too. Trust me, Boston sports fans are the biggest bunch of softies ever. The fans who booed Ted Williams when he was being a jerk and cheer Bobby Orr and Larry Bird for their great blue collar work ethic now think a mildly retarded lazy left fielder is the greatest player in history. Screw 'em. Thank God I'm not a Boston sports fan.......except for the Bruins......who of course aren't good enough to get anything but jeers from the fair weathers around here. But I bet you, someday their bandwagon will be full again too.

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Madeline said...

Oh, shut up.

I hate these stupid generalizations made by idiots who think that the sad people they happen to meet that are Boston fans speak for the entire Bostonian population.

I've been a Boston fan since the days of Drew Bledsoe, and I've been a fan of the Red Sox for twenty years. Not to mention, I really don't like basketball, and even now with Kevin Garnett on our team I don't care much for the Celtics. If they win, awesome. If they lose, meh....whatever.

In defense of the newer Pats fans who genuinely love the sport of football, but have the curse of being born a little later into the Tom Brady generation (and thus being frequently accused of bandwagoning due to their young status), honestly, Haters, a good game is made by its players. Is it the fault of the fan population if people enjoy watching a better game? Like today- bet a lot of Eagles fans weren't going to bother watching the first half after that interception by Samuel, writing it off as a blowout. But then later on they returned, and truly I bet that more of them began to watch and root for their team because McNaab wasn't playing and the new QB was pretty sick. (Great game btw, Eagles fans....) Similarly, the Patriots have gotten a lot better with their new players, and attract a lot more fans. (Same with the Red Sox, the Yankees, any other team that got more fans cause they had better players that year).

Oh, by the way:

11-0

9:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I absolutely hate the fact that the Gaytriots won, however, I'm glad it wasn't a one-sided blowout horrible game like most of them have been. I am proud of the Eagles for the way they came in and at least tried. Maybe Joe Gibbs should've taken that approach also. Too many teams write they game with the Patriots off as a loss without trying. At least the Patriots have some holes that were exposed. Kudos to the Eagles!

2:39 AM  
Anonymous ConcussBrady said...

Hey, I don't live in Bugtussle, Alabama somewhere, I'm right in the heart of New England listening to these people everyday and have been for thirty years. It's not just a few I happen to run into. And being typical New Englanders, they all come into work this morning moaning and crying that the team sucks because they only won by three. The suggestion that Eagles played a good game didn't even occur to them. Seriously, these people don't even care that another team is on the field.

BTW, another example. Boston College. Three weeks ago, suddenly everyone cares that college football exists when they are undefeated (Trust me, New England may be the once place in the country where college football is not an obsession.). Suddenly everyone is running around crowing about winning the BCS AND the Super Bowl. Two losses, and guess what.....suddenly BC doesn't exist and neither does college football. Don't tell me I don't know how the groupthink is around these parts.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous James said...

"And being typical New Englanders, they all come into work this morning moaning and crying that the team sucks because they only won by three. The suggestion that Eagles played a good game didn't even occur to them. Seriously, these people don't even care that another team is on the field."

I don't think that they necessarily have to go on about the Eagles' great game when they're more upset about how they only won by three. They wanted a blowout and it didn't happen. I'd be pretty pissed off too if my team (which isn't the Patriots, I'm a Falcons fan) was expected to win by a large margin and only won by the skin off their noses. I'd be worried, and wanting to compare stats to see if that would happen again. Hell, I'd even want to bitch too.

The BC thing isn't exactly spot on either. People at my school (I live in NE too) love that college. Only a large number of the girls who love Brady more than life represent the stupid fan population that band onto that wagon.

And in defense of the fans who forget BC after they lose- a lot of other people do that in this country as well. When their team doesn't do well at all after a couple of games, fans start to lose interest. It's perfectly natural. People like to bitch about NE cause honestly, we've got a lot of assets and we flaunt it- thus, the rest of the Nation likes it when we fluke on something big.

Don't be hatin so hard....

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Tom Brady said...

Haters – How goes it? Tommy B. here.

Been a while – I know – but you know how it is being a colossal star and icon who is known for throwing TD’s, winning games, being crazy wealthy and bagging uber hot supermodels and starlets…

Err, you don’t know what that’s like? Damn, sorry. My bad. See, I can’t really relate to living in my mom’s basement, drinking warm yoo-hoo and pleasuring myself to a Sears underwear advertisement from 1987. We really don’t have much in common, do we?

Anyway – I’m writing about your hate. Specifically, the quality and quantity of it as of late. It’s become less of a white hot hatred, and more of a circle-jerk whine fest for you people, and it simply isn’t cutting the mustard.

It all started off so promising. You had this intense dislike for us, and with every win (21 in a row, NFL record), every SuperBowl Victory (3 in 4 years with more on the way), every deft draft day move (Yeah – we turned Deion Branch into Randy Moss and a Top 5 pick in this years draft) it slowly, but steadily grew into a blazing hatred, an incredible animosity, a bonfre of bitterness – A SUPERNOVA OF SPITE AND LOATHING.

And then you cite a month’s old clipping in the paper and compare us to a soccer team.

What. The. Fuck.

Your hate has grown weak. It has become this watered down trickle of annoyance. Your once mighty torrent of insults has dried up to a mere thimbleful of whinning. It’s like you don’t even care anymore. Have you found some other object for your hatred? Are you secretly hating someone behind our back? I’ve got to admit I’m a bit worried. The silence is deafening. Or maybe your Commodore 64 finally bit the dust? Whatever it is – please, give us some indication that you still really hate us.

Still Perfect-
Tommy B.
(11-0 – and if you don’t like it you can kiss my *)

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Brady's Heavy Petting Zoo said...

Whateva, cheata.

Anyway, the 'younger generation' of Pats fans not being bandwagoners? Please. I've been in high school myself, and I remember how all the dolts would run with the pack as far as sports teams go. At the time, it was the Packers, the Cowboys, and the Broncos (90s, for all you 'hardcore' football fans from the Boston area). Of course the new generation of football fans love the Pats. They're the best football team for now. In two or three years, you'll see their/your memorabilia at the Goodwill, next to discarded Packer jackets from the late 90s. It's true that nobody roots for a loser, but it gets really sickening when everybody's piling on the Pats are Invincible bandwagon.

Which they obviously aren't, BTW. Almost beaten by an NFC team? C'mon, Pats. Next thing you know, the Dolphins will be kicking your ass again! Maybe even the Jets! Okay, maybe not the Jets.

Yet another thing I love about Pat fans (there's so many!), are them whining and bitching about how 'they only won by less than 10'. Aren't these the same idiots that taunt us Haters with "A Win's A Win" blah blah blah when we mention they only won* their Super Bowls* by a slim margin? Be happy with the win, you fickle fairweathers. "A Win's a Win" right? Did you think no team would figure out the
Pats eventually? Spoiled little bitches, you and the Pats both.

They'll get homefield, to be sure, but no way they're going to go undefeated. The game against the Eagles proves 2 things: 1. Teams are beginning to figure them out (maybe even videotaping!) and 2. Teams that are as good as the Pats start playing down to their opponents eventually because they get full of themselves.

And Tom, how do you type such long posts while cradling a supermodel in one hand, and a farm animal or two in the other? I envy you. I don't envy that goat, however. Poor little guy; I hope he gets tested, before he ends up like the Pope! Nice farm pics in GQ! Glad to know you're an animal lover.

And to Madeline: you've been a fan since the Bledsoe years, huh? Wow! Probably since they were in that Super Bowl with the Packers, and still playoff worthy! You're a bandwagoner too; you're probably just sitting closer to the driver's seat than the rest of the fairweather fans on here.

I'll think of you all next time I see a tear stained Patriots shirt at my neighborhood thrift shop. Probably in about a month or so.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Tom Brady said...

"Tom, how do you type such long posts while cradling a supermodel in one hand?"

Speech-to-Text. And believe you me -Giselle requires BOTH hands - ifyouknowwhatimean. But most likely you don't as you've never actually, y'know BEEN with a woman.

"I envy you."

No shit. All you haters do. I don't think you're even really haters. I think you're actually closet fans.

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, previous hater poster asshole, go release your verbal diarrhea on some other site.


we're still 11-0. lets see you argue against that instead of whining about the fans.

moronic whining gay bitch.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous patriot said...

Wow, Its true that theres all types on the internet.

Jealousy breeds contempt. From the pathetic cowardly "anonymous" (you disgraceful mutant, like the traitor on the movie "300".)

To the idiot that started this site. Any true football fan at least respects the Patriots. The team that brought back "team sports".

Brady has done more with less until this year with the recieving core. ...undefeated, with three Superbowls, The best quarterback in NFL history.

Just like there will always be winners, there will always be losers that post nonsense based on stupidity and jealousy

Either way the team flying highest is wearing red, white and blue...

The best, classiest, team in NFL history.


By the way, "concussbrady". is the biggest douchebag here. His favorite team is the masingil disposables...

Some people applaud winners and others turn green with envy and become losers.

I have alot of family and friends from new england...everyone of them diehard pats, redsox, bruins, celtic fans since childhood.

I bet you faggots live on the canadian border and side with the sniveling backstabbing wannabe french scumbags with nothing to hang their hat on but hydro grow houses and hockey...even though the U.S. teams are better.

pussy
In between twinkies and beer and wiping chicken grease on their wife beater they post their rhetoric and remind the rest of us that there are alot of idiots among us....

Cluelessly sloshing through life trying to find other idiots to validate their baseless opinions.

Either way enjoy the games...I love the Patriots because they set the standard for others to follow. The Cardinals need some fans? You Pansy.

7:55 AM  

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