Bearlies To Try New Approach: Defense Only

Chicago (INEPT) - The Chicago Bearlies, in the aftermath of a humiliating offensive performance against the mediocre New England Hatriots, have responded with a somewhat radical new strategy: never put the offense on the field.

"It's quite a simple approach, really," said Lovie "Dovie" Smith, the Bearlies head coach. "We just keep the defense out on the field, at all times."


Lovie Dovie: Defensive Genius


"But what about when you have the ball?" the clever Reader might ask. "Simple," explained L.D., "we just hike the ball to Urlacher, who quickly pitches it to the other team. After that, we try to strip the ball or pick it off; just get the ball somehow and run it into the endzone for a sweet six."

L.D. was also asked about the lackluster performance of QB T. Rex Grossman. "Who?" Smith replied. "Oh, right, him. No way he's getting on the field again. Seriously, no way. Are you kidding?"

In unrelated news, the Bearlies have confirmed Dennis Green's earlier comments: "We are who he thought we were, if that's how you say it," said a Bearlies spokesperson. "Really, we are."