Wednesday, February 28, 2007

New Staff Member: Josh Howard

Ann Arbor (INEPT) - We are pleased to announce Josh Howard has joined the Hatriot staff(*)! As winner of the prestigious Hatriot of the Year(**) award for the most furious hate expressed towards our beloved team in New England, he has been asked to join the staff as a full-time member(***).

No, It's Probably Not This Josh Howard

Some highlights from this Hater's fine posts:

  • From Nightmare in San Diego: Once again, I am glad to hear the outpouring of Patriot hate and I think the best explanation of frustrations was made by the guy that said he wanted to saw his car in half after Marlon McCree’s ‘interception fumble’. No kidding- I actually sprained my left arm on that play from celebrating and then falling to my living room floor in agony.

  • From Back By Popular Demand: I will hate the Patriots until the day I die or as long as 'fakor' Robert Kraft is running the organization. Tom Brady is a drone that would be an afterthought if he played in Arizona. Rodney Harrison is the most overrated safety that ever lived and I hope that his career ends when he is doing one of his 'late' head first dives on top of a defenseless ball carrier.

  • From Top Five Reasons Hatriots Will Lose: Even if New England is victorious on Sunday, it will mean nothing. You will always be known as the franchise that was very good, but not great. I know that this notion frustrates you to no end, but you better learn to deal with it, because it will never change. A loss, on the other hand, would be detrimental to your self-labeled legacy and will burn at your greedy and tainted souls.

You can always find more of Mr. Howard's rants (or anything else) by using the vaunted Hatriot Search Engine (conveniently available on the right-side of this blog).

Congratulations, Mr. Howard!

- The INEPT Staff

(*) Mr. Howard still has to send email to in order to officially be added to the staff.

(**) There is no cash compensation for this award. Just the prestige, baby. Pure prestige.

(***) 'Full-time member' means once in a rare while, you post something, and that hopefully it is funny.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Mr. Perfect responds: "Oops"

New England (INEPT) - Mr. Perfect, media darling, and all-around good guy Tom Brady, in response to recent news of his pending fatherhood, had a simple one word reply to the situation: "Oops!"

Does Bridget Look A Little Bigger Here?

"Wow, I don't know how that happened," shouted a bewildered Brady. "Well, I have some idea. Sort of. Something about birds and bees. I really wasn't listening when Mom told me about it. I knew I should have listened. I knew it!

The mother-to-be, actress Bridget Moynahan, sounded unsurprised. "I told Tommy what would happen if he insisted on doing that, but he wouldn't listen," she told reporters outside her bedroom window. "He started to pout, whine, and stomp his feet when I was saying 'no', so I just gave in. He's such a big baby."

Tommy: Even Bigger Than This Baby

Good friend Peyton Manning criticized Brady for his handling of the situation. "When Bridget told him the news, he wouldn't even shake her hand. Seriously, he just ran out of there, went straight to the locker room and hit the showers. What a sore loser," Manning said, staring at his Superbowl ring.

"I guess this kills my new ad campaign for Trojan-brand condoms," Tom said. "Crap -- that was totally going to pay for my new girlfriend's bathing suit collection. Giselle's sure gonna be mad now."

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Superbowl Recap: A Rival is Born

Miami (INEPT) - It is official. We have checked with league officials. We have confirmed it with fans, coaches, and players. Today, dear Reader, we have received what we have longed for. Today, dear Reader, a true rival to the Hatriots was born.

A Rival is Born

What more is there to say?

Oh yes, one more thing: the Hatriots did not win the Superbowl. Repeat: the Hatriots did not win the Superbowl! Why do I enjoy saying: the Hatriots did not win the Superbowl. We can't get enough, it's true.

Coming soon: the Belichoke controversy.

p.s. the Hatriots did not win the Superbowl!