Mailbag!

Madison (WI) - Hater-in-chief is lazy. Hater-in-chief is busy. Hater-in-chief has plenty of ideas for content but somehow no time to implement them. And despite what you think, Hating does not generate enough revenue to drop all other pursuits. So what do you, precious Reader, get instead? Mailbag.

hey! that guy sleeping on the bench is my husband!
sincerely,
erin

Erin is of course referring to this picture:


Sleeping dude is actually a real dude

which was found in that devastating post of ours, cleverly entitled More Mailbag! So Erin, you might be wondering why we included a picture of your dear hubby in our blog. Well, this gets back to the "we are lazy" bit above: we simply searched google images for sleeping dudes. Your hubby, apparently, is the first such picture that did not entirely creep us out. So consider it a compliment of sorts, from this wondrous website to you and yours. You're welcome! And Erin herself remains a mystery. Could it be Erin Andrews? Erin Brockovich? Hurricane Erin? The world may never know.


Will the real Erin please stand up?


Due to our increased import in the online media world, we also received this tidbit from our buddy Tom, apparently a high-roller in the realm of Men's Magazines:

In an effort to ease US/Russian relations, Maxim.com has sent its editors to Moscow’s Red Square in order to capture some of the country’s most beautiful sights. Now THAT’S diplomacy!
Maxim Goes to Russia
Enjoy…
Tom

Now, who among us isn't impressed by Maxim's efforts to reach out to our Russian comrades? Let's hope they get involved with the middle east next.

Finally, we have Paul, who writes:

I'm a die hard Jets Fan, and I think I hate the PATS more than you!
I think I'm buying a shirt.

Dear Paul: you may be a die hard Jets fan (though a clear sign of insanity). You may also hate the Pats (a clear sign of immense intelligence). But there is no way in this dear life that you hate the Pats more than we do. Please read our hundreds of other blog posts to see why. And yes, buy more shirts! That final piece of wisdom, Paul, shows us you are a real man of genius. Mr. Jet-lovin-Pat-hating-Tshirt-buying-website reader...

Mailbag!

Wisconsin (INEPT) - Time for some more reader mail. Enjoy!

Hey man fellow New England Patriot hater
here just thought I should send
this pic to you maybe you have seen this already.
-Saul R.

Sorry, Kids

Sorry, kids. We hate to disappoint. But those T-shirts should be used for a number of other things other than wearing. For example, cleaning up a mess, or burning. Thanks Saul!

From a lover:

Whats up Hater -- thought the site was a blast.
I'm adding a section of Hatriot links to my site
NE Patriots Draft and you are #1 in the links.
Congrats. Any link love that you could send
my way would be great. Keep up the good
(however misguided) work.
-James

Dear James: Finally, a Lover who gets it! There is no need to hate us. Just embrace that for every fan, there is an anti-fan. It is like Newton's Third Law, but applied to football fandom. You can't change laws of nature! Thus, we are honored to link to this fine New England site. See the sidebar for them and others.

And another:

Dear Hater,
Love the site. Please keep it up
during the offseason!
-Anon

Dear Anon, alas, we cannot keep up the Hatred year round. It is too much for any one man to support a deep passion such as this 365 days a year. Thus, we are on hiatus until August or so. But then, something special begins. As the news of New England greatness begin to roll in, as the prognosticators and pundits start to pick the Patriots for perfection (again), The Hatred begins to simmer. It begins to boil. And soon, you will have another explosion of Hatred to fill your football season. Until then, sporadic posting, at best. And one more thing, too: T-shirts. There is never a bad time to buy T-shirts. Enjoy!








18-1: Available in your favorite team colors (Giants, Colts, Jets, Steelers, Dolphins, Bills, Chargers)

What better to wear to the next game against the Patriots your team plays?

Random Hatred, Mockery, Etc.

Top Ten, Baby: CBS Top Ten New England Patriot Excuses

• 10. What? It's best of seven
• 9. Too much pre-game chowder
• 8. Since when is that dude allowed to catch a ball with his head?
• 7. Terrified by that Fox football robot
• 6. Everything was fine 'til Dr. Phil decided to straighten us out
• 5. Should have campaigned harder in Florida
• 4. Entire team stayed up late the night before watching Hannah Montana concert movie
• 3. Exhausted after spending hours consoling a weepy Terrell Owens
• 2. Thought game was supposed to be played on Super Tuesday
• 1. Airline lost our 'roids

19-0 merchandise: Too brutal. Amazon, sorry about this not working out:


19-0 Book Cover Shot: Tom is still shouting, just for different reasons.

Also, apparently the Patriots are finally doing some good for the world. According to this story:

Shirts, sweatshirts and hats, all printed with the Patriots as the Super Bowl winners, arrived at the World Vision warehouse in Sewickley on Tuesday.

Many of the shirts say "19-0" -- a reference to the Pats' quest for a perfect record. Instead, the Giants' victory ended the AFC champions' season at 18-1.

The losers' gear will be packed and sent to third-world countries by World Vision, which works to improve the lives of poor children in more than 100 countries.

The poor people of these countries will thus be wearing "19-0" shirts around, thus cruelly mocking a team they may never have heard of.

INEPT apologizes to all poor people who can't fork over $15 or so for one of these fine shirts:


T-Shirts: Not for free, sorry! Buy one here!

Odd Shakespearean Stuff: NPR shouldn't do it football. Really, they shouldn't. But they did. Some selections:

The Players: Sideline Wench, a reporter for the Duchy of Fox; Kornheisercranz, herald; Wilbonstern, herald; Brady, a fair-haired boy; Eli, a boy; reporters, bloggers, correspondents, cameramen, soundmen, hangers-on, sycophants, small children throwing rose petals.

It gets worse:

Wilbonstern: But look now, who approaches from yon other way?
'Tis young Eli, who seems, in his manner, yet a boy,
No match for such a paragon as the dauntless Brady.

Paragon, my ass. But "Kornheisercranz" was more on the mark:

Kornheisercranz: 'Tis so, he is yet more Manning than man,
But the football blood that fills that callow vessel
Is as royal as Brady ever bought to his captured throne.
Eli is the seed of the sainted Archie
And thus branch from the same tree as Peyton,
He, who made stallions of Colts but twelvemonth past.
Mayhap the lad can, with a pigskin, find the same mark
Little David did when bookies of yore favored huge Goliath.

Goliath: 18 wins, and 1 deadly stone to the head. David wins! I always thought Kornheiser was better than Wilbon, even before the heart attack.

Interview: Another interview with our buddy t.k. The questions:

1. Giants win super bowl 42: Shocking or Expected?
2. The Patriots dynasty will crumble because many Patriots will be leaving and retiring.
3. The Giants have a shot at repeating next season?
4. The Better QB: Eli or Peyton?
5. THe Best playoff QB of all time.

Answers here. We'll probably do an interview with t.k. sometime, so we can figure out who he is exactly.

Mathematica: A mathematical view of the Patriot season:


The Mathematics of Imperfection


Those F***ing Patriots: A nice clip from the YouTubes. Found here, pointed out to us by Patriot Hater Dave H. Enjoy!

Die-Nasty

Arizona (INEPT) - Words fail us. But T-shirts don't. Buy one while they last! (Thanks to GiantsFaninNE for the suggestion)



18-1 and other T-Shirts: Click here to buy one!

An amazing game. An amazing end. Cheaters: Defeated. Tears in Plax's eyes, and a sweet sweet game winning catch in his hands.


Plax: Awesome

Can't say enough about Eli. Clutch. Clutch. CLUTCH!


Eli: Clutch

More tomorrow. Enjoy it, Haters. Enjoy it!

Mailbag

Wisconsin (INEPT) - We are fortunate to receive a number of emails about our work, and thank all Readers who take the time and energy to send us their words of wisdom and encouragement. One reader writes:

i hope you fucking die.
- Jose Reyes (josereyes0@gmail.com)

Thank you, Jose, for your kind words. Basically, what he is saying is "I hope you are human like the rest of us. Because, you see, humans all die. Thus, by saying I hope you die, I am really saying I hope you are human too. That you have compassion for our team, despite your enmity." No worries, there, Jose. Despite the superhuman blog we have put together here, we are indeed human.


No worries, Jose: We are not superhuman

Someone on our staff points out to me that Jose may have had another meaning: that he actually wishes us ill-will. Though I have trouble believing that (Jose seems like a much nicer gent than that), let us assume it is a possibility. If so, I wish to post a correction. What you should have said, dear Jose, is "I hope you fucking die soon" or perhaps "I hope you fucking die painfully." You see, we all die. Death is a part of the game we all play. So if you want to say something more interesting to someone about their death, it needs to include (a) some indication that you wish for the death to happen in a timely manner or (b) some description of the manner of their death, or, better yet, both (e.g., "soon and painfully"). Since this letter included neither, I will assume that Jose meant no harm. Thanks again for the note, buddy!

Another reader writes:

We have an anti Pat's t-shirt that your readers might like. Tell them to put "hater" in the promo section, at check out, and we will send you $2 for every shirt sold. Mention it in your blog and the traffic could be great. We have a similar deal with Cubs Suck Club and we have sold many of our Cubs t-shirts. Check out our site www.notredone.com.

We like that others are also selling Hater T-shirts! It is becoming quite a business. That said, we don't like giving out free advertising (too often).


Other T-Shirts: Buy Ours Instead, or Both

We also receive the occasional interview request. Here is one set of questions we received from "t.k.":

1 - Why is the Main Stream Media obsessed with the Patriots?
2 - Do you buy Tom Bradys foot injury?
3 - One thing we should know about I hate the New England Patriots blog?
4 - Your favorite team?
5 - Do the Giants have a shot in Super Bowl 42?
6 - Your Super Bowl 42 prediction?

Our answers can be found here. Except for #6, that is. We will put up our prediction on Friday. You might have a guess as to whom we will be picking to win the SuperBore. Hint: it starts with G, and rhymes with Clients. But, it is spelled differently. Come on, you can figure this one out!


Hint: We Will Be Picking This Team To Win

San Diego T-Shirt: Now Available

San Diego (INEPT) - Now available for your immediate and repeated consumption: the San Diego Haters Tee. Available in beautiful San Diego colors, or something kind of like them:


Amazing San Diego T

Yours for just $15! Seriously, how can we make money with prices so low? We must be insane!



Still coming: San Diego preview. Also known as: Praying for a Miracle.

Jaguar Playoff T-shirt: Now Available

Madison (INEPT) - What better way to get ready for the Jaguar win this weekend than a special-edition, limited availability Jaguar Playoff T-shirt?


Jaguar Playoff Tee

Presented to you in beautiful Jaguar black and gold, this T-shirt says it all when it comes to this weekend's game. In an odd way, the Tee commemorates the fine season the Hatriots will have had after the weekend is over. They will be the only team in football history to have gone 16-1. Congratulations, Bill Belicheat, Tom 'Fraidy, and company: you made history!

Store News: Special T-shirt for New York Jets Fans

New York (INEPT) - In what has to be one of the most unanticipated announcements of the summer, INEPT brings fans of the New York Jets what they have long been clamoring for. Available through the I Hate The New England Patriots Store, INEPT proudly presents the Jets "I Hate Patriots" T-shirt:


Jets Fans Unite!

Enjoy the feeling of cool Jet green on your skin as you express your cold, icy outrage in bold white letters. Buy one now!

Coming soon: Dolphins and Bills Tees.