Monday, September 22, 2008

More Mailbag!

Madison (INEPT) - The letters keep flowing. They make a simple point, repeatedly. It is best summarized by John:
I am a frequent visitor to IHateTheNewEnglandPatriots.com and an avid hater. Ever since the 2001 AFC Championship I have hated Belichick and Brady more than life itself.

I figured there would be tons of updates after the start of the NFL season and especially with Brady going out for the season, but nothing. I waited a week to see if there would be any updates and couldn't stand it any longer. Please tell me the site will live on. It has to.

Thanks,

John
Dear John (and others): There is a simple reply to this. Have we been sitting around, doing nothing, while this new football season lives on? No, John, no sir.


Have we been sleeping? Well, maybe.

So, the astute reader might ask, what exactly have we been doing? Simple. We have been mustering our troops, reinforcing our weaknesses. The game films are being broken down, and new strategies being formed. Questions? They are being answered. Doubts? Removed. And now, after the new Undefeated season has again become Defeated (by the mighty Fins, no less), we are summarized by one clear word: Back. That's right, our friends. We. Are. Back.

More mail, this time from long-time reader, first-time mailbagger Joe:
Was injuring Brady really necessary, hex man?
-Joe
Well, this is at least an easy one to answer. Yes. First, we tried simple curses. No luck. Then, a series of prayers, one in each of the major religions. Apparently, those gods have no ears for such desires. Finally, a successful strategy:


How Tom's Injury Happened

A simple poke to the knee, and we were done. And to all you Haters out there: you're welcome.

Finally, a more business-minded letter. Bryan writes:
Hi,
I am interested in purchasing one to two simple text links on your website's homepage. How much would you charge for that?
Thanks.
Bryan
How much, for access to the legions of Haters out there that this site has so carefully bred over these past four years? How much, for direct connect to an army of T-shirt buying, bad-website-reading, probably jobless teenagers? How much, you ask? Well, not much. Make an offer.


We're in the Money.

Coming soon: A discussion of the Fiasco in FloridaFoxboro. The ghosts of the '72 Dolphins seem to be alive and kicking.

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25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was a fiasco in Foxboro actually. Eating that much shit at home... embarassing.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Meh said...

Yay. I am a fan of the Patriots that loves your hate.

Hate on. It is a thing o' beauty.

Now, about that voodoo doll, can we put it away next year... this season's hate will be less because the defeats will be too easy. Although I am sure you will get a ton of help from the MASS EXODUS of FANS you saw leaping from the bandwagon this season.

Think of it this way... imagine the welcome back Brady celebration only to have the team lose. Or Treatment that makes Brady Bald.

Come now... possibilities are endless.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

I just heard a story on the news that was about how upset the Patriots' players are that the fans booed and walked out of the game. PLUS, Tom Brady was in a bookstore during the game. Now I KNOW he's gay. Who the hell shops instead of watching the game? It really is nice seeing this team's perfect little life falling down around them. It's also nice seeing the fans getting ragged on by their own team!

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Anybody but the Bretts, er, Jets said...

Shouldn't mister "Team Leader" be on the sidelines rooting his team on instead of shopping? Nice.

The Pats usually have trouble with the Dolphins, because they always play down to them. Awesome game, Dolphins.

As for the Pats fans booing, what a bunch of whiny bitches. Your team has lost two games in over a season. Boohoo. Welcome to the real world, guys. It's harder to win when you can't cheat, isn't it?

Also, fellow Hatriots: watch for Randy Moss to start crying and whining like his old self back in MN and Oakland. He loves to play, guys! Just as long as his team is good all the time.

As for Brady being out...it's a win-win for Haters. If the Pats do well this year, it'll prove that Brady's overrated. If the Pats tank, it'll prove that they really are a one man team. Hooray!

Now, if someone can explain to me how the BILLS are undefeated...?

7:45 AM  
Anonymous ManningHater said...

GiantsFan = Dumbest poster ever.
Someone's gay because they go to a bookstore? Tell me, why are you so obsessed with Brady's sexuality anyway? You must dream about him every night.
And anyway, in your bigoted, narrow-minded world, is calling someone gay an insult?
I'm not a Patriots fan, but I'd rather have a competitor like Brady on my team than a pussy like Eli Manning, who after getting drafted by the Chargers cried like a bitch until he was finally traded. He tampered with the draft and should have been banned from the NFL for life. Meanwhile his brother goes around and sexually harasses women. What great role models they are.
Brady worked hard his whole life and battled adversity to get to be the best quarterback. The Mannings were born with silver spoons in their little mouths and get what they want by crying.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

...and Brady wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth? What are you kidding me? He is not GOD. However, judging by your post, it doesn't take much to realize you are a New Englander that drank the koolaid and thinks he IS God! I'd rather have Eli any day. At least he's a decent human being. He didn't dump his GF when she was pregnant. I don't care/know about Peyton's antics, but you can't call Eli anything but decent.

I realize you are a New England fan, so I'll take this slowly.... I didn't say Brady was gay because he was in a bookstore... it was because he was SHOPPING like a girl during the football game! GAWD you're stupid!

12:24 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Giants fan,
As far as I know, Peyton doesn't have antics. Unless you count some of the things he says/does in commercials and on the skits he did for SNL. Plus, he's married.

Eli is looking better this year so far, though. As much as it kills me to say, at this point I think it'll be Titans vs. Giants in the Super Bowl. Unless the Colts can step it up and beat the Titans again. I'm not so sure, though. The Titans have a good running game.

Brady was shopping during the football game? Wow. And the players are complaining about their own fans now, which is great. Patriots fans are definitely annoying. But I've never heard anyone complain about their own fans. That's really bad.

8:14 PM  
Anonymous ManningHater said...

Giantsfan, you dumb cunt: What correlation is there between Brady not being God and the silver spoon comment? Do you suffer from reading comprehension or are you disassociated from reality altogether?
Never said Brady is God, just that nothing was handed to him and he worked hard to get to the NFL.
Meanwhile, Peyton is a rapist and Eli is a pussy who cries to get what he wants. Deal with it. Plenty of people — including players around the league — have big problems with what he did. He's not a decent human being.
So, I certainly can call him anything but decent, as he has serious character flaws. Thanks, though.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Do you suffer from reading comprehension...?"

Ha ha. Way to go Manninghater. Evidently you have built up some immunity to that horrible disease. I'm sure you keep your case in check while treating your crotch rot from rubbing up on used jockstraps from the dumpster at the Pat's practice facility.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous ManningHater said...

Again, not a Patriots fan (plenty of people hate the Mannings). But thanks for your sweet thoughts.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Yeah, you're not a Patriots fan. Sure. You probably suck Brady's dick when he's not too busy shopping for books. I hope you suffer the same fate as that faggot did!

10:56 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Wow, that's not even my post! Oh well, the sentiment is what counts!

5:02 PM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

By the way, Manninghater, you sound like a "class act" yourself. You use such touching words/phrases. I guess you suffer from "loss of sensible and English vocabulary". Those that suffer from this use vulgarities to make themselves feel smart. You're a beaut!

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Again, not a Patriots fan (plenty of people hate the Mannings). But thanks for your sweet thoughts."

Jeez, are you a Chargers fan then?You'd think being a fan of any other team would help bond you to hating the Patriots. Do you think cheating is OK?

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Manninghater said...

"loss of sensible and English vocabulary"
GiantsfaninNE, you stupid cunt, that doesn't even make any sense. But I'm sure the irony will be lost on you.

5:34 AM  
Anonymous Manninghater said...

Anonymous pussy: Cheating must be OK. Eli did it when he flouted the rules of the draft, and he's the golden boy.

5:37 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Manninghater, who died and made you "keeper of the NFL draft rules"? You're an idiot, yet you seem to think everyone else is one instead. There were no rules broken and what the hell does it matter now anyway? Only people with no life (like yourself) dwell on such things.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Oh, and now we're hearing Bill Billicheat tampered with that stupid nigger Randy Moss before the trade. Yeah, no cheating there!

4:34 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

It's really interesting that somebody keeps posting under my name. I think they need to be creative and get their own handle.

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, your handle is really creative you bigot.

7:21 AM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

Now I'm a bigot? You're an idiot. I realize that "anonymous" is the most creative idea of all. EXCUSE ME!

2:33 AM  
Anonymous ManningHater said...

Giants running up the score on Seattle today. NO CLASS

2:09 PM  
Anonymous GiantsfaninNE said...

At least they put David Carr in, and their second team. That's more than I can say for Cassel getting playing time last year. It's not the Giants' fault that the Seahawks sucked.

2:42 AM  
Anonymous who cares? said...

manninghater, fuck off, you troll. Kthxbai

8:57 PM  
Anonymous KLR said...

Haters rejoice, a new book exposes all the Patriot secrets. Spygate the Untold Story is availble on Amazon and on this site. Spygatebook.com

Enjoy!

7:07 PM  

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