New England Loses at (European) Football

Washington (INEPT) - So much for never losing at football. This past Sunday, we all saw what many have hoped for all year. That's right, dear Readers, you guessed it: we finally got to see New England lose a football game this year.


Houston Dynamo defeats New England Revolution

We now will break down the ingredients required to take down those footballers from the Northeast. Pay attention, teams of the NFL, and get a head start on ending this season of undefeat.

• Make the coach wear ugly clothing. "I see your sweatshirt, and raise you one ugly hat", is what the Houston coach seemed to be saying. Clothing is clearly an important piece of defeating New England. Check out the Houston Dynamo's coach, Dominic Kinnear. His ears must be cold!



Dominic Kinnear: Ugly hats are key to success


• Use an odd, hard to pluralize team nickname. Yes, the New England Revolution lost to the Houston Dynamo. Clearly, having an unusual pluralization is critical. Perhaps the Colts should become the "Herd", or the Steelers should change their name to "the local 419". Alternately, get the Utah Jazz to play football.



What is the singular of Dynamo?


• Have some Canadians on the team.The Dynamo had the famous Dwayne De Rosario, who hales from Toronto. Perhaps NFL teams should call up some players from the CFL. Of course, you have to remind them about 4th down.

The real lesson, of course, from the MLS championship was much simpler. It takes a repeat champion to beat those New Englanders we love to hate. Someone who has been there before, who will not wilt when the time comes. Someone who will feel that other guy coming on like an avalanche and reach down to find an extra gear. Someone who, when the team is down by 4, with 1:30 on the clock and the snow coming down hard in your eyes, can throw it deep to the corner where only the receiver can make the play. Which previous champion will step up? Here at INEPT, we have some ideas:


Previous Champs: Remember Who You Are